Re: Doom II: Hell on Earth *LET'S PLAY!*

[The Wheelchair]

Still updating faster than Wheelie's.

WHAT DID I TELL Y- Y'know what, never-freakin'-mind.

[Strong Vader]

Still updating faster than Wheelie's.

WHAT DID I TELL Y- Y'know what, never-freakin'-mind.

You're finally going to update?

BLEmails? Please?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Oh yeah forgot about weapon naming. My next gun I will ACTUALLY let my readers name.

e: Actually, I will let the readers name my fourth weapon, two and three will be named Reginald and Beartato.

Meme count: 3
The third meme is Completely Ignored Reader Input.

[The Wheelchair]

Still updating faster than Wheelie's.

WHAT DID I TELL Y- Y'know what, never-freakin'-mind.

You're finally going to update?

BLEmails? Please?

The Sam & Max thing was pretty much a joke from the beginning. One post was all that was ever going to get.

Blemails are on temporary vacation (hiatus is waaay too fancy sounding), but will be back at some point. Hold on to your leopard print tights, man!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

If I had any leopard tights, I can assure you that I would be holding onto them. Since all I have on is a pair of tiger print tights, the whole thing is pointless.

[Strong Vader]

I have a duct tape fedora...does that count?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

A leopard print duct tape fedora?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Well, enough about Strong Vader's mentionables. I finally got through all the red key doors!


Hmm...looks simple enough.


Oh no! Not a key all by itself with no enemies! Not that! ANYTHING BUT THAAAT!!


Yup, it's that. Sneaky little chaingunning momzers.*
One of them, who I didn't take a screenshot of because I couldn't even SEE him, kills me.
*=Yiddish swear word I refuse to translate


Here I am. Back at the beginning of the level. Why, cruel, unrelenting video game? Why must thou torment me? WHHYYY?


In banging my head on the keyboard, I bring up the automap. 55 monsters and I get killed by one little CC. Why does it always have to be this way? Just once, can't I get a break? Can't some OTHER marine survive? I have to fight through three adventure games, four expansion packs, and at least two source engines and I never get so much as a thank-you. NEVER!
Wait, now it's all clear. I'm not doing it for myself. I'm doing it for the forum. For the users who obsessively watch for new updates. To save those peabrains waiting in the spaceport. And, most of all...
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO PLAY! NOW LET'S GO DO THIS MESS!


Rather than show you another 75 screenshots-or-so, I'm just going to show you a highlights reel, as it were, of the coolest moments of my level replay.







At last, the end of the level. And I totally killed those chaingunners, blasting them to little giblets. I definitely did NOT just run through to the exit screaming like a girl. Everyone knows that Uzi-Bazooka does not scream like a girl.
But what about the time when...
Shut it, Chapman!


I don't know what the two percent of missed kills was, but it certainly WASN'T those chaingunners.
But I thought...
CHAPMAN, YOU ARE ASKING FOR IT!


Uh, oh. I sense more gratuitous blue water ahead...

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I would like to publicly apologize for not updating yesterday. I know that I have a policy of "nigh constant updates" for this crap, but I was very busy and it was raining and aliens probably invaded and stole my heart and fed it to a Sharktopus (which is also the title the worst movie ever filmed.) I did find out something interesting. I assumed that Disk had made up LET'S PLAY and that it was unique to our forum. Well, it turns out that the idea has been around since 2006, and it has a rich history and everything! Check it out (though be warned--ours are much funnier.)
Okay, enough random chatter. Back to the killing stuff.


This is a slightly different meaning of The Rule of Convenience. Yes, I originally invented it to mean that picking up unguarded keys is BAD BAD BAD. However, it also means that if the developers start a level off by giving you one hundred health and a Double-barreled shotgun, the rest of the level is going to be hard and scary.


And sure enough, before I can even GET to the soulsphere...


Well, that was fun. I certainly ho- hey, what's that torch over there doing?


Wow. Niiiiiiiice touch! The elegant yellow-red glow from the torch accentuates the ol' BBB (boring brown bricks) around it, and the winding down to the pile of skulls truly accentuates the otherwise stale gray carpeting of this section of the starport. Magnificent! I just want to get a closer look...


What the heck? There was a hole in the floor! Well, who am I to back down from shotgun ammo, right?


It kinda ruins a Marine's image, though. More so than being a whiny interior decorator, even. So I hope there aren't any more of them.


THERE ARE.


Ow. That took away quite a bit of health. Hopefully that's the last one.


Well, speak of the devil! BADPUNBADPUN


Great, juuuust great, from 166% to 5% in, like, 30 seconds. Hey, that could be a good book title!

Anyways, I'm just gonna creep along the edge for now. Hey, is that-is that what I think it is? Is
that...


A NOOK!!
Dun-dun-DUN-DUN-dun-dun-DUUUUN!
Okay, we need music for this Let's Play. If Andrew Hussie can do it, why can't I?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Okay folks, here's the deal.
All of the screenshots you've seen thus far were taken a couple weeks ago, on a Saturday. I have now uploaded them all.
So I decided that today I needed to actually play some more to move ahead and get more screenshots.
And it turns out my savegame has been deleted. I would have to start all over FROM THE BEGINNING.
Now I don't know what to do!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Well, I found my savegame deep in the bowels of my computer. New updates tomorrow, people!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Floating Imp sounds like a really bad alternative rock band. Funny-lookin' effect, though.


All right, back to the nook. I'll just take a single solitary step forward...


Zombies! Two of them are standing in formation, but the third refuses to bend to their rules. He's doing his own thing, followin' his own groove. I respect that.


It almost makes me feel bad about blasting his skull through the back of his pancreas. Almost.
Hey, what's this? A convenient blue key, conveniently placed within convenient jumping reach? How convenient!


GARY MOTHER OF TODD! Somebody grafted a pair of goat legs onto a bodybuilder! The horror! WHERE WILL THIS GENETIC EXPERIMENTATION END?!
Actually, it's a Hell Knight, a tough, green plasma-throwing demon with sharp claws. His breath stinks too. Now we're getting into some of the really tough enemies.


Fortunately, Rockefeller takes him down, losing all his remaining rockets in the battle. May we never forget.
Uh...
Wait, what were we talking about again?


Well, I can't go out that red key door, so it's time to head up the elevator.


Drugs, guns, and explosives. What more do you need?


Well, here we go. I really hope this doesn't hurt.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Um...is anyone still reading this? Am I updating to myself at this point? Helllooooo?
Ah, well. I've talked to myself before and I'll talk to myself again. Let's get this train wreck a-rolling.


As soon as I walk through the door I met the transparent wavy image of an Inviso-Demon. Oh man I love using the chainsaw on these guys. Get 'em, Chester!


Ooh, another! KILL! KILL!


GRRRRRR! CAN'T STOP CHAINSAWING!


I decided to carve something on the wall to let out my frustration.


MMM and Clover, sitting in a tree. Now both turned in-to zombies. First they eat brains, then they eat your spleen, then their skin decomposes and it turns bright green!
(Yes I did write "MMM" and "CSD" in that heart. It's just hard to read.)


Okay, that was kinda fun and all, but let's draw something else. First, draw an S. For snake. Or dragon. Whatever.


Next, we'll draw a more different S.


Close it up real good at the top for his head.


And then, using consummate V's, give him teeth, spinities, and angry eyebrows.


Then you can add smoke or fire.


Or maybe some wings, you know, if he's a...wing-a-ling dragon.


Let's put one of those beefy arms back on him for good measure. That looks really good. Comin' out of the back of his neck, there.


Oh, yeah. Check out all his majesty.


Actually, this reminds me of a slightly different dragon. "Somebody get this freaking duck away from me!"

[Strong Vader]

*is too busy playing Tetris to update the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Let's Play or to comment on Uzi's tastefully done commentary*

*for the love of God someone tear him away from that computer*

[The Wheelchair]

Dangit! I just caught up on three posts worth of LET'S PLAY!, and Monkey Island Special Edition is only about 15% closer to download completion! WHAT THE CRAP!?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

*for the love of God someone tear him away from that computer*

I do have a chainsaw, if necessary...

(And yes I did just make yet another Doom-related smiley. You wanna make a federal case out of it?)

Dangit! I just caught up on three posts worth of LET'S PLAY!, and Monkey Island Special Edition is only about 15% closer to download completion! WHAT THE CRAP!?

I bet it's totally worth it, though. I've been wanting that game for weeks!

[Strong Vader]

*still has Tetris theme stuck in head*

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I will glare at you until you get some other music stuck in your head!

[Strong Vader]

*now has Liquid Negrocity stuck in head*

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Hey, man. That song is cool. Actually, I like quite a bit of the Midnight Crew music. The best part is that I don't even buy the CDs-I just listen to them on the website free.

[Strong Vader]

There are bonus tracks in a couple of the albums, I and Alternia. But you're right, Bancamp plays pretty nice that way.

[Falcon Paunch]

CONTEST THYME: Make up an acronym for UAC.

Undeniably Abysmal Corporation

[Strong Vader]

United Arab Coca-Cola

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Woah, I totally forgot about that contest! It turns out it stands for Union Aerospace Corporation, by the way.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Right, enough with defacing the walls of the spaceport. I would be worried about getting in trouble, but I think I killed the UACEO a level back. I think he was the fat zombie wearing the black suit and tie.


Okay, the chucking fireballs at me, the trying to scratch my head off, this I can understand. I mean, I am kinda committing Imp Genocide here. But ignoring me while doing it? Looking away, like I don't even care? That's just harsh, man. Y'know what, Imp? I'm not gonna kill you. I'm gonna let you live so that I can kill you in the Expansion Pack. So suck it.


Uh-oh! Looks like he's called in his friends. What are these creatures? No, it's not Sauron and his twin brother (who was named Sven), it's...


A pair of Cacodemons. Red floating fatsos who belch blue lightning. Often mentioned in a little-known Web Cartoon called Homestar Runner (for example: )


And when you kill them...they melt. Somehow. Despite the fact that there is nothing nearby capable of melting them. And this game doesn't come with a BMW lighter.
Ooh, that sounds pretty awesome! Disk? Could you make a WAD for that? Pretty please?


That's an interesting-looking nook there. Let's just see what-


Another one? Man, you guys are annoying! (Though not as bad as Episode 3 of Ultimate Doom. That level had so many freaking Cacodemons...)


This is a fairly awesome picture of a Cacodemon in mid-melt. Muahahaha!


Well, I can't get to the nook, so the only other thing to do is take my life into my own hands and try to take this Convenient key.


Wow! It didn't do anything bad at all! How nice, for once.


And now I can get into that nook!


Man, this game rockets!

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