Uzi-Bazooka's Caption Contest!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I'm not sure where this topic should go, but I'll let the Administrators figure that out.
Some form of award (I haven't decided what it should be yet) will be given to whoever creates the most hilarious caption for the picture below. If everyone likes it enough, maybe I'll put more pictures up after this one.
RULES:
*The deadline for uploading is Feast of Mendelev (THURSDAY, JANUARY 21)
*Nothing obscene or inappropriate (as always.)
*In the spirit of Strong Bad himself, MISSPELLED ENTRIES WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED.
*No more than three sentences long.
*One entry per user (you can change entries by saying something like, "I take that back, I want my caption to be...")

Ready? Here we go!

[Dov]

Whoa! Didn't see you there Hot Simone! Can I leave and change my pants... Now?

[The Wheelchair]

Cloaks? Battle Armor? No way! Real men trudge through the desert in their underwears!

[Achenar]

(How did you get THAT, Uzi?)
Here's a little something for the lady-type fans

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I got this picture by taking it in the photo booth in Dangersque 3: The Criminal Projective.

[Achenar]

I got this picture by taking it in the photo booth in Dangersque 3: The Criminal Projective.

I had no idea tighty-whities were available...

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Well, it is! Here's what the Telltale games site has to say about it:
(To get the) Briefs: Use the gun on the tube above the airlock (dryer) in the Space Station.

[Strong Vader]

Wrestling mask? Check.
Boxing gloves? Check.
Pants? Mostly check?

[DELETED!]

It would be really awkward right now if some ugly nerd who has no girlfriend and probably thinks that Alvin and The Chipmunks is a piece of cinematic gold with many different layers of meaning decided to hide a webcam in this room and post a picture of me on a nerdy forum for dozens of people who he doesn't know to write captions for it, because he has no real friends due to aspurgers syndrome taking over his life, eating his mom, shaving his little sister's beard, and giving Fred a movie deal. That was a very long sentence. Well, here's the third sentence, which will eventually become a fan favorite, spawning its own series and tons of merchandise.

[That was hilariously random. XD And yes, the aspies slander was making fun of my own brain pattern/lack of social skills, so anyone who's offended has no right to be.]

[Sam Fissure]

"The Cheat? YOU PUT THAT CAMERA DOWN RIGHT THIS MINUTE, OR NO MUTE BUTTON FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!!!!!!"

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Okay, everybloody! Here are the winners of the January 2010 Uzi-Bazook'a Caption Contest!!
1. Espemon333 - 1950 points
2. Strong Vader - 1900 points
3. Dov - 1900 points
Espemon333: You will be getting a priavte message soon allowing you to claim your prize.
All Else: A new picture will be posted soon. The due date will be Renaldo's third retirement party (FEBRUARY 19)

For the complete (and boring) way that I graded all y'all, look at the spoiler below:

Spoiler:

[DELETED!]

I thought the "fan favorite Sentence 3" would be a sure-fire ticket to victory.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

New picture, y'all captionheads!

[Dov]

Yes, senior Senor Cardgage (). I AM a Spanish pirate wearing cowboy boots! Now, give me all your money!


(I hope I win this time... badly)

[Sam Fissure]

Are you sure this is what all the hip, young catburglers are wearing this season? I'd rather just tighten the laces again.
(Why don't we have an emoticon of that??? That'd be so cool!)

[The Wheelchair]

Whaddaya mean there aren't any bolt cutters in this game? How am I supposed to steal that dude's mounTAIN bike without bolt cutters!?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I thought the "fan favorite Sentence 3" would be a sure-fire ticket to victory.

Well, unfortunately, you lost in the "Hilarity" category, or the "How Much Fun I Had Reading Your Entry, Plus How Hard I Laughed."
Here are some key problems you had:
-Calling me "some ugly nerd who has no girlfriend"
-Saying that I "thinks that Alvin and The Chipmunks is a piece of cinematic gold with many different layers of meaning" (that's probably one of my least favorite movies, ever. EVER!)
-Your whole entry screamed "What the sense-make?!?!?"

[Strong Vader]

Hey-a, issa me-a, Chico-a-Marx-a. Would-a you like-a da pie-in-a da face-a? Yeah, I didn't really research this role...

[DELETED!]

I thought the "fan favorite Sentence 3" would be a sure-fire ticket to victory.

Well, unfortunately, you lost in the "Hilarity" category, or the "How Much Fun I Had Reading Your Entry, Plus How Hard I Laughed."
Here are some key problems you had:
-Calling me "some ugly nerd who has no girlfriend"
-Saying that I "thinks that Alvin and The Chipmunks is a piece of cinematic gold with many different layers of meaning" (that's probably one of my least favorite movies, ever. EVER!)
-Your whole entry screamed "What the sense-make?!?!?"

1. Those who insult others only make themselves look immature. This is a technique used by comedic sock puppets across teh interwebz.
2. Duh. I have the exact same feelings about that movie.
3. ...You win this round.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Okay, juys. Now, the deadline is still a week away, but it seems like everyone's already entered. If you haven't, I'm going to make the deadline Sunday. Okay? Sound good?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Okay, guys! Deadline day! Prepare for...the winners of the February 2010 Uzi-Bazooka's Caption Contest!! There were only four entries, and there are four winners!
1. Strong Vader - 2000 points
1. The Wheelchair - 2000 points
2. Espemon333 - 1900 points
3. Dov - 1600 points
Strong Vader and the Wheelchair: You will be getting a priavte message soon allowing you to claim your prize.
All Else: A new picture will be posted soon. The due date will be Thursday, March 4

For the complete (and boring) way that I graded everyone, look at the spoiler below:

Spoiler:

[Uzi-Bazooka]

New picture, everybody!

[It]

I was stomping around in pecan pie all morning! That's why I was late to work! So, if you could forget how you said you were gonna fire me, that'd be just grandiose.

[Sam Fissure]

The Cheat, are you sure this is what Delelia meant when she invited me to a 'Sock hop'?

[The Wheelchair]

If I can't taser that gnome in the office, I guess I'll have to go to a place where I can!

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