Make-A-Story

[These are my saturdays]

This Game is quite simple. One person posts the first paragraph of a story, then the next poster writes the second paragraph, and the then the third writes the third, and so on. The paragraphs have to relate to each other.
I will NOT Start it.
Edit: Just kidding!
One day in july, a house, which sat in the solemn Rigatoni Woods, inexplicably caught fire. No one lived in it, but there was always something interesting about the House, it had belonged to a fellow named Strong Vader, who had died from causes unknown. The house burning didn't seem to have a connection to this, until the next week...

[Strong Vader]

Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed! A maid screamed! A pirate ship appeared over the horizon!

[Thy Dungeon Master]

The house burning down wasn't connected until the next week suddenly a shot rang out? That makes no sense.

DO OVER!

Simon sat there, just staring at his Homestar Dressed As The Cheat wallpaper on his office computer. He was the only one there. It definitely wasn't Christmas or anything, so where was everyone?

[Strong Vader]

Then, straining faintly through a wall, was the faint singing of festive songs. Then, the breaking of bottles was heard. Sirens wailed up the street outside the building. Revenge was at hand.

[Kinda Long Hair]

Simon raced to look out the window. He was taken aback at what he saw. It was as if a war had broken out. The vicious protestors had tarred and feathered the mayor: Jhonka Pyongyang. Just then, Simon noticed the man known as "Strong Vader" run up to the protestors. "What are you doing? Stop this madness!" Yelled he. "Why are you tourturing our fair mayor?"

"Jhonka is a tyrant!" exclaimed one. "No taxin' without representin'!" yelled another. "Go Red Sox." squeaked out a member of the croud.

[Strong Vader]

Suddenly, a shot rang out. Everyone looked around, left and right, in front of them and behind. But they didn't notice the silently falling Goodyear blimp until it was almost on top of their heads. A voice began to reverberate from everywhere, not an unpleasant voice, but a tired, bureaucratic voice laden with boredom and apathy.

"People of Earth, your planet has been scheduled for demolition.

[Thy Dungeon Master]

"Bother!" Simon declared, right before a man wearing a bowler hat waddled towards him and he found himself falling through some sort of vortex. When Simon woke up, he could see nothing but a scroll and a flask. Pathways lead north and south and a man named Dennis stood in the corner.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

For some inexplicable reason, he could not seem to get ye flask. So, Simon walked over to Dennis and asked him how he could get to Strong Vader and Mayor Jhonka.
"Well," said Dennis, his eyes bouncing rapidly, "If ye want to see Strong Vader, ye're gonna have to break out of this here dungeon here, sonny! Hee hee hee! The only one who can help you with that is," his voice dropped to a whisper, "Uzi-Bazooka!"
"Uzi-Bazooka?" Simon asked. "Who's he?"
"hee hee hee. HA HA HA! MUAHAHAHA! HOO-A HAHA HA HAA HAAAAA!" Dennis screamed.

[Strong Vader]

Suddenly, a goblin showed up and squashed DENNIS. "Ow, my style," he moaned, lying on the non-graphicy environment. And that goblin, he had a Gremlin! And he jacked it up on some fat tires, and uh, and he tuned it up on some 4.11 positrak out back, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bore over 30, 11-to-1 pop-up pistons turbo jets 390 horsepower! I mean, he had some freakin' muscle!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

(Since the story 'bout our friend The Politician hasn't advanced in ages, I figger I'll continue this one instead.)

Simon asked the goblin to take him out of this messed-up land. The goblin, however, refused to be a mere ancillary "mentor" character, and demanded to be number one. Simon refused, and the two fought an epic duel eventually culminating in the use of THE DOUBLE DIE-CAST SWITCHABOUT SEPULCHRITUDE, which destroys the entire dumb Dungeonman world. Exhausted, the goblin paused for a moment to catch his breath in the bright sun of this new land. Simon took this opportunity to jump forward, prepared to make the final kill...
And The Goblin shot him where the sun don't shine. This story is now all about the Goblin. You are sure you have no idea who that idiot bleeding all over the pavement is, for this story as about YOU and YOU ALONE.

[Strong Vader]

So, obviously you are now DIAMONDS DROOG. But he's too busy being Clubs Deuce, so, let's switch to being EUSTACE B. THRIMBLETRIMMER.

You have no idea where you are.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I thought this was Make-a-story, not make-a-bad-pictureless-MS-Paint-Adventure. Let's go back to Simon.

Simon woke up from his extremely perturbed dreams and glanced around him. He was now standing on a hill overlooking his home town. What he saw disturbed him even more.

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