Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
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These are my saturdays
Uzi-Bazooka
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Uzi-Bazooka's Third Mini Let's Play - What'll it be?
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:22 am
That IS a lot faster. I can get 40 done at once! The new MLP should be up today.
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
- Posts : 3140
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 27
Location : Brainblow City. If I leave, I could be shot on sight!
Character sheet
Name: The Doomguy
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:40 pm
{Please read the following sentences aloud in a really dramatic voice that sounds like it has been smoking cigarettes since childhood. Thank you.}
Last time, on Uzi-Bazooka’s Mini Let’s Plays:
The Battle for Wesnoth!
EDIT: Woah that’s hard to read it says “Let Us Play At Battle For Wesnoth.”
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed my glorious victory. I know I enjoyed playing it, which is very different from Canary. For my next LP, you guys will get to vote on which game to play, so look for that in the coming weeks. Until next time: This is U’zeth B’auzu’u’ka, and I hate archers!
Last time, on Uzi-Bazooka’s Mini Let’s Plays:
This time, watch in sheer horror, terror, and pants-wetting awesome-osity as Uzi-Bazooka faces his greatest 101-screenshot challenge yet in...”I have no idea what this game is about.”
“Purple Tentacles.”
“I WANT MY NON-MONEY BACK”
“Why are you trusting the new guy with this killer arsenal?”
“This is one unbelievably phallic mine.”
“Who CARES about this Asteroid or any of its stupid alien problems?”
The Battle for Wesnoth!
EDIT: Woah that’s hard to read it says “Let Us Play At Battle For Wesnoth.”
- Spoiler:
BACKGROUND:
The Battle for Wesnoth (http://www.wesnoth.org/) is a free turn-based strategy game that you can download from teh Interwebs. It’s kind of like if Age of Empires was placed in a fantasy land and boiled down to just the strategy, without the rest of it.
Wesnoth is a generic fantasy world, with a “rich and varied culture” that you will never, ever get to find out. What are these races? Why are they fighting? What is the history of these lands?
WHO CARES?! It’s fun!
Unlike Canary, I have played this game quite a bit before and ACTUALLY ENJOY IT. So let’s get cracking.
Another thing about Wesnoth is the oh-so-creative names for everyplace. “The Great Ocean.” “Great River.” “Bitter Swamp.”
Enough of this. Time to start a game. I could do a Campaign...if I wanted to have absolutely zero fun today. The campaigns are all annoying and stupid, and full of whiny damsels in distress...many of whom are male. They are also either way too easy or way too hard. You either get “Oh, waa, waa, you have to save us from A SINGLE ORC” or you get “Oh, waa, waa, you have to save us from AN ARMY OF HIGHLY ARMED LEVEL 3 DRAGONS. YOU GET ONE EFFING PIKEMAN. WIN IN TWO TURNS OR DIE!”
No, I will be doing a Local Game against my own computer because I have a pair.
Now I shall demonstrate how to turn a normal name into a Fantasy, Wesnoth-style name.
First, take your standard fake Username.
Add at least one apostrophe.
Change as many of the vowels to “eth” as you can while still being able to pronounce the name with only one human tongue.
(One Wesnoth character is named Th’thethkhtheth. I kid you not.)
Any vowels surviving the Tea-Ache purge get changed to Us. Or have Us added. Basically, we’re all buddying up with Us here.
Finally, add more apostrophes. Feel free not just to put breaks between syllables, but also between half-syllables, consonant sounds, and occasionally just letters.
There. Now you have a Fantasy name worthy of any country named Japan!
I shall be playing on the level “Den of Onis” because it looks tough and cool and kuull and tu’f’f. Let’s see if there’s anything else I need to set up...
Password? Why the Cr’ap’peth do I need a password? I am playing against MY COMPUTER. BY MYSELF. Anyone who joined would have to be some kind of ugly, cheating Crap-for-brains.
At least I’ll make it easy for them.
More setup: Character thyme!
BASIC CIVILIZATION STYLES:
Loyalists: Humans! Lawfully aligned, with weapons about as strong as toothpicks. Small toothpicks. Small, broken toothpicks.
Rebels: Elves! Not, as you may imagine, big fans of the Loyalists. Have the ability to control trees, but who wants that? Neutral alignment.
Northerners: Cheap but tough Orcs. One of my favorite civilizations. Also Goblins, who in this game are basically slaves. And nobody cares. (Chaotic, stupid!)
Undead: Very chaotic ghosties and ghoulies and zombies. They have some really powerful characters, once you upgrade them. But before they can be upgraded, they suck. In fact, zombies and vampire bats actually start at Level 0, the only characters in the game to do so.
Knalgan Alliance: Another favorite civilization. Dwarves from...Knalga, apparently. Again, very little backstory. They are especially good in the mountains, they’re tough, and they have the most possible units of any civ in the game. Neutral alignment.
Drakes: suck. They are a race of Lawful dragons. They can breathe fire. They’re bigger than any other character. But they still suck. They suck the great big suck. They could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch, and playing them is pretty much a great way to DIE INSTANTLY.
(Lawfully aligned civilizations do their best fighting in the day, chaotic in the night, neutral neither.)
I thought about being the Northerners...
But decided on the Knalgan Alliance because they have a wider variety of units. Plus, this map looks like it has several mountain footholds which provide extra advantages to the dwarves.
But you guys don’t care about that. IT’S TIME TO DO SOMETHING HILARIOUS.
Actually, not yet. Now I have to choose what kind of a unit my leader is going to be. Another reason I like the Knalgan Alliance is because, in a world of swords and bows, they have guns. (Of course, they’re called “Thunderstaffs,” but who cares.) So my guy is going to be a Dwarvish Dragonguard.
And I will be playing against the Purple Loyalists.
Ha-ha! This guy can’t see through his helmet! A-cool!
I mean, the Iron Mauler looks incredibly awesome, but I’m not going to give that guy to the ENEMY!
Aaaaand, just sneaking myself some extra gold to start with. I mean, I don’t want to lose in front of the Internet. Think of how embarrassing that would be.
I know you guys might want me to play on evenly-balanced, extra-hard level, but I didn’t do that. Go whine to Brovania, why don’t you.
Okay, finally some gameplay. As the interface has kindly pointed out, the goal of the game is to kill my opponent’s leader, the Halberdier I chose just seconds ago. So, ah...let’s begin!
Now, I will begin with the most important part of the entire game.
Naming all of the locations.
Have no fear, people who were thinking of getting this game and who are now being turned away by all the time it takes before you can play - naming locations is not required. But it is hilarious. I enjoy it, and for the purposes of my “viewing” “audience”, I’m going to.
First, my base shall heretofore be known as “Castle Awesome Sauce.”
Minutes pass, and all of the locations are named. Here they are.
Many of these are puns.
(The reader cleverly points out the difference between Castle Crap Crap Suck Crap and Castle Awesome Sauce)
What? Bias? My good man, I’m sure I don’t know quite what you’re talking about. In England.
The Knalgan alliance has two kinds of units: wimpy, pansy little crappy human outlaws with weak attacks and weaker bladders, and mighty, powerful, awesome dwarves with guns n’ swords n’ strength n’ power and...gryphons.
Now, I’m not one to judge between the two, but I do tend to create more dwarves than human outlaws. And I’m going to start with a Gryphon Master. How can you tell that he has mastered the gryphon? Look at the bird. IT’S WEARING A HAT. Do you know how hard it is to get a hat onto a gryphon? Not at all...if you’re a gryphon master.
Here is my initial corps of troops: from top down: a Dwarvish Steelclad, an Outlaw, a Dwarvish Thunderguard, a Gryphon Master (Hells yeah!), and me.
Looking approximately in the top right corner, just under the map and the time of day, you can see the stats for each warrior, including the names I’ve given them.
MIST’UR DISKETHE: GRYPHON MASTER
STRUUNG VAD’ETH: DWARVISH THUNDERGUARD
MUU’VE MA’GIC DWARF: crappy OUTLAW
ETH WHEEL’CHAUR: DWARVISH STEELCLAD
Back to gameplay. Capturing villages means that they have to pay taxes to me, giving me more gold, letting me train more units, making fun of more SBtF users. IT’S THE CIIIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIFE!
Now, I must end my turn, and give my Loyalist opponent a chance.
Not that I can see what he’s doing, thanks to the fog of war. But you know what I bet he’s not doing? Riding a gryphon with a hat. THAT’S what he’s not doing.
Daytime rises on Castle Awesome Sauce, and Muu’ve Mag’ic Dwarf (MM’D) is sent ahead to conquer Strong Badia the Free. Ha-ha! Oh...forum founding joke.
The rest of the First Corps does the same. Time to create the Second Corps.
FAULCUN PAUNTH: DWARVISH ULFSERKER!
(Sorry, but there’s no female dwarves. Which is bad news for the race as a whole, and probably why dwarves aren’t around today.)
ETH’PEMON III: DWARVISH FIGHTER
GEOFF: DWARVISH BERSERKER
(Well, there aren’t any more cool or active users to name people after. Whaddya gonna do?)
Plus, I’m all out of moneys for this turn. Which is why it’s time once again to end it!
All right, Mist’ur Diskethe (GRYPHON MASTER), scout forth!
What’s this? A smelly unfortunate of the Purple Loyalists dareth to tread upon ...Knalgan... lands? Reveal to me this soon-dead vagrant!
THREE soon-to-be-extinct vagabonds?! This cannot stand!
FORWARD, MEN!!
I said “forward,” dang it! How come you guys can only move a few feet per turn?
I mean, imagine if real battles were fought like this.
“Okay, your turn! We’ll just stand still while you guys come down and kill us! Oh, but don’t go more than seven steps!”
These are like the games my brother and I used to play in Kindergarten, except with less
“Hey, you pushed me!”
“You’re cheating!”
“MOMMY!!”
The worst part is, I can’t even recruit anyone. Oh, well. Diskethe should be able to handle himself. After all, he is a...
GRYPHON MASTER!
Their turn. Nothing really interesting: they’re also reduced to the few-feet-per-turn walk.
All right! Night sorta falls, and it’s time for MM’D to get his wicked stab on!
Actually his wicked...sling...on? I’m using the sling because it’s a ranged attack, and theStormtrooperShocktrooper doesn’t have one.
[size = 7]WE’VE GOT A SLINGON, CAP’N! Two sci-fi puns in one screenshot! I’m onna roll![/size]
Of course, Muuv’e still has to get right up snuggly close to the friggin’ trooper. I mean, think about this. You’re a big ol’ manly man in steel armor with a sword and this little human comes right up to your face, stands about six inches away from you, and fires a slingshot into your eyes repeatedly (thrice for a chance at 5 damage with a 60% terrain def, to be unnecessarily exact.) Are you just going to stand there and take it?
No. He’s six inches away from you. YOU’RE GOING TO STAB HIS FACE. IN THE FACE.
Sorry, Diskethe, you’ve got a much more important mission than just killing enemies. You’ve got to capture a village so that we can tax the hell out of it until its resources run dry and we move on.
I mean...you have to...LIBERATE this town from the oppression of the Loyalist oppressors! Join us, people of...uh...Can Town! Join us, and we shall save you from the vile men who would arrange the blocks of...ah...tyrrany, and COMMUNISM, so as to drop them squarely upon your heads! Join us...and be FREE!
My people moved again. YAY FOR ME!!!
An archer is foolish enough to attack Faulcun Paunth, my Dwarvish Berserker. SILLY ARCHER! Everyone knows that Berserkers won’t stop fighting until either they are dead or you are.
Also, this one apparently jumps.
Yay! Jumpy Faulcun Paunth apparently kicks Aunch! Let’s see if MM’D can last against this Stormtrooper.
He survived, but he didn’t do much damage. I intend to rectify this on my turn.
Since my other Berserker was so awesome, I’m gonna see what Geoff can do to this other Trooper, who is apparently named Addyn. How do you even pronunce that? Ad-in? Aid-in? Aid-dee-yee-unn?
SMACKY STABBY VIOLENCE YAAAAAY!
Apparently, Geoff can DIE. Geoff has the amazing ability to DIE. To DEATH. DEAD DEAD DEADSKY.
Come on, GRYPHONMASTERdiskethe, let’s “ “ “ “ “ “ liberate “ “ “ “ “ “ another city.
MM’D attacks that same bloody Strong Tripper. It’s super ineffective!
So, I send Faulcun Paunth to attack him because she’s been totally awesome so far. But what’s this? Her arrival precludes the ability to see the enemy leader himself! Curse you...*checks name*...Default AI 2! CURSE YOOOOOUU!
Well, Faulcun Paunth died, and that seems to be a similar trend with these Berserkers. They’re awesome for about ten seconds and then they go all suicidal. If only we had read their respective diaries, we might have seen the signs.
At last, Struung Vad’eth enters the attack. Or rather, is forced into it by Aidrian.
“What?! GUNS?! Good heavens, no, there aren’t any guns here, old chap! All WE have are thundersticks! ...In England.”
Yay! That was actually awesome!
Y’know what’s NOT awesome? The fact that I STILL can’t afford to recruit anyone.
But Default AI 2 can, apparently. He recruited an archer!
Who are we recruiting, exactly? There’s nobody else here, and the entire map is surrounded by bajillion-foot-high cliffs that can’t be passed and appear to go on for miles.
Oh, well. Back to the indiscriminate bashing of apparently the WORLD’S TOUGHEST SHOCK TROOPER.
One thunderstick shot and the other one’s barely alive but this guy stands up to every sling, hammer, and-
Oh. Well.
Ummm...
Disregard the last two sentences. OR THE LOYALISTS WIN!
All right, AWESOMEGRPYHONMASTERdisk, it’s your time to shine like the awesome Gryphon Master you are.
With one mighty claw (actually two mighty claws dealing up to 16 points of damage with a 40% terrain bonus), you shall SMITE the ever-loving CRAP out of the evil...sigh...Default AI 2, and topple his Loyalist Government! Huzzah!
Oww! He stabbed me!
Oh, no wait. He stabbed Mist’ur Diskethe. So I’m actually in no pain whatsoever.
So I got that goin’ for me.
Owww! I feel your pain, bro!
Well, crap. Crap crap suck crap.
At last Struung Vad’eth is doing his part, killing that Partlycloudywithachanceofrain Trooper easily., as well as making for an awesome screenshot.
[size = 7]This...is my BOOMSTICK! Hail to the king, baby![/size]
MM’D can’t quite reach the Loyalist Leader (that sounds WAAAAAAAAY cooler than “Default AI 2”), so I’m gonna have him take out this archer.
Oh, wait.
Ewww...I mean take DOWN the archer. KILL him. Kill him until he is DEAD! Not take him out for a romantic evening. That wasn’t what I meant at ALL!
You missed! How could you miss? As stated previously: HE WAS TWO INCHES AWAY FROM YOUR SNOT-ENCRUSTED PIMPLE-RIDDEN FACE! Were you boozing it up at the party we had at Manie’ovdeezaur Puns? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you once: No drinking on duty!
Well, maybe these guys will be slightly less incompetent. If they fight as well as they move...
...they’ll die in seconds.
Fortunately, I now have enough gold to train someone less incompetent. Too bad there are no good names left.
I’m just kidding, DJ - I wouldn’t forget my Let’s Plays’ greatest fan. I saved the most complex, frustrating name of all for you! Look at all of that glorious impronounceability!
I just made the word “impronounceability” up! And it’s STILL easier to pronounce than your name.
Also, as if that wasn’t great enough, you’re a
GRYYYYYYYYYYYPHOOOOOOOOOOOONMAAAAAAAAAAASTEEEEEEER!!1!!oneoneone!!1!
Now it’s the Loyalists’ turn and Archie attacks with a bow and arrow, forcing MM’D to counter with a slingshot. Again, they are standing mere feet from each other, and I’m surprised that Archie McBowfire’s arrow doesn’t just penetrate Muu’ve’s skull in one shot.
It does kill him, though, which really sucks. There is good news, though, in the form of Darth Loyalist (more AI than man now) fleeing his castle for no good reason and trying to reclaim his lost villages.
IT’S HAMMER TIME and that was a terrible joke.
This is the first time I’ve used a Dwarvish Fighter in this particular game, and guess what? THEY SUCK. Eth’pemon the Third hits him a couple times (literally) and deals such a small bit of damage that he might as well be poking him with a toothpick rather than using a giant hammer.
Clearly I need to train a GRYPHON...
...Rider? Aww. These guys are greatly inferior to their Level 2 counterparts.
What? Whaat?
My turn ends and it’s back to the battle, as Archibald Arrowguy comes back and starts whooping it up on Eth’pemon III.
(Does anyone still say “whooping it up”? Please, nobody say “whooping it up”.)
Struung Vad’eth, I have unfortunately relegated you to cpaturing villages and exploiting their funds because it’s been about 15 turns now and you have yet to leave MY SIDE OF THE BOARD!!
DJCan’tPronounce (did I mention that he’s a GRYPHON MASTER?) flies up and begins to claw the face of...
OKAY, FINE - DEFAULT AI 2. DEFAULT AI FREAKING TWO. CAN I HELP IT IF IT’S A STUPID NAME?!
And Eth Wheel’Chaur who moves only slightly faster than SV joins in on the fight with his battle axe. He’s a Dwarvish Steelclad, the upgraded version of the crappy Dwarvish “fighter”.
Finally, we appear to be getting some RESULTS. Go Team GMS!!
Wait. I made that name to stand for “Gryphon Master/Steelclad”, but now it just sounds like PMS.
Uh...
Go Team SMG! That’s cool, right? Submachine Gun?
That archer has gotten on my nerves, and now lives in a picturesque little cottage on my nerves, where it is beginning to put down friggin’ ASTROTURF. If I wasn’t so busy killing his leader...
I would be losing the game, so of course I’m not going to concentrate on killing one little archer.
No matter how ANNOYING he is.
Struung Vad’eth continues to oppress various helpless villages.
And the fight goes on. And on. And on and on and on. And on. AAAAAND ON! And on. And on. And on and on and on. And it don’t stop. IT’S ON!
WHAT. THE. HECK.
He...he killed my Gryphon Master. My only friend!
I...I promised myself I wouldn’t cry...
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaohwait I’ve got, like, three more guys. I’ll be fine.
Um, I don’t think jumping is really a required part of using a battle axe, but, ah...carry on. I mean, I guess you’re the expert.
Now this is just mean. I can make anyone EXCEPT a Gryphon Master?!
Fine. I’ll make one of those Dwarvish Ulfserkers. I like those little guys.
And he shall STAB the everloving STAB out of that STABBING archer. Stupid archer. I’d like to STAB his STAB sometime, the little STABBING STAB-STABBER. I’d STAB his STAB...in the STAB.
Struung Vad’eth appears to be actually nearing Castle Crap Crap Suck Crap. AT LAST!
Move forth, Struung one! Move forth and prepare to actually attack sometime in the next 3-4 weeks if that’s okay with you, and if not then fine!
Actually, I really need the gold. Diamond-encrusted hat-wearing gryphons don’t buy themselves you know! Well, the really intelligent ones do. But sapience hasn’t been completely proven yet, so, let’s just say they don’t.
I hate to use this Great’ly Inferior warrior for such an important task as this, but I have no choice.
Loyalist Dan takes his turn, and moves his archer over to attack my Gryphon Rider, the little punk.
By this point, I have enough money to create a...
Oh, so you think hiding behind a mountain will save you from the wrath of Uzi? Well, think again!
You should’ve chosen a bigger mountain, anyway. Look at that thing! YOU’RE TALLER THAN IT!
Default AI 2 kills Eth’Pemon III, and that doesn’t make me too sad. What does make me sad is that Default Dan has ONE hitpoint left. ONE! And still he eludes me.
I was hoping GRYPHON MASTER would get here in time, but - I guess you’ll have to do.
CLAW.
FACE.
BREAK.
HEADS.
And so on.
Woo-hoo! I did it! I did it! And not even Archie Mc!@#$-for-brains could stop me this time.
And look at that! Li’l Great’ly In’ferior used the XP to become a full-fledged Gryphon Master, too! Well, I’ll be...something, I can’t remember what.
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed my glorious victory. I know I enjoyed playing it, which is very different from Canary. For my next LP, you guys will get to vote on which game to play, so look for that in the coming weeks. Until next time: This is U’zeth B’auzu’u’ka, and I hate archers!
Last edited by Strong Vader on Sat Jul 09, 2011 3:10 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spoiler'd for length)
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
- Posts : 3140
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 27
Location : Brainblow City. If I leave, I could be shot on sight!
Character sheet
Name: The Doomguy
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Falcon Paunch Thu Jun 30, 2011 4:15 pm
WHOOPING IT UP
Anyways that was really good. Not quite as much as your Canary LP, but still good.
Anyways that was really good. Not quite as much as your Canary LP, but still good.
Falcon Paunch- Straight (Wo)Man
- Posts : 527
Join date : 2010-07-04
Age : 25
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Thu Jun 30, 2011 4:35 pm
Thank you. That's the only bad part about this job: I have to follow up on my previous work.
That and sometimes I have to play pure crap. That's the one thing that makes MLP Battle for Wesnoth better than MLP Canary.
That and sometimes I have to play pure crap. That's the one thing that makes MLP Battle for Wesnoth better than MLP Canary.
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
- Posts : 3140
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 27
Location : Brainblow City. If I leave, I could be shot on sight!
Character sheet
Name: The Doomguy
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Falcon Paunch Thu Jun 30, 2011 5:32 pm
Still, there were parts where I had to force myself to not laugh because then I'd get my drink all over my keyboard.Uzi-Bazooka wrote:Thank you. That's the only bad part about this job: I have to follow up on my previous work.
Falcon Paunch- Straight (Wo)Man
- Posts : 527
Join date : 2010-07-04
Age : 25
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
- Posts : 3140
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 27
Location : Brainblow City. If I leave, I could be shot on sight!
Character sheet
Name: The Doomguy
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Falcon Paunch Thu Jun 30, 2011 5:37 pm
Also there was one other but I forgot it.Uzi-Bazooka wrote:
(Sorry, but there’s no female dwarves. Which is bad news for the race as a whole, and probably why dwarves aren’t around today.)
Falcon Paunch- Straight (Wo)Man
- Posts : 527
Join date : 2010-07-04
Age : 25
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:17 pm
Ah, glad that my toilet-level humor is still popular with the crowds.
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
- Posts : 3140
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 27
Location : Brainblow City. If I leave, I could be shot on sight!
Character sheet
Name: The Doomguy
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:30 am
The reviews have poured in, and that means it's time for me to start another 6-month Mini Let's Play!*
But this time, in the spirit of Democracy or summat, you, theviewers at home get to VOTE on the next game, using a poll that's going to go up. Whichever one gets the most votes will be mocked mercilessly, and the other ones will be saved for a later date.
OPTION 1: CHEX QUEST 2
In 1996, the Chex company included a new prize with their cereal. Nothing surprising about that, I suppose, except that the prize was a computer game, and worse - a kid-friendly total conversion of Doom, with vegetables and fruit replacing health, no blood and gore, and where you played as an anthropomorphic piece of Chex. Cashing in on a fad? Major corporation? Why, then, is the Chex Quest series so good? It has lived on for years, with almost as many fans, websites, and modifications as Doom itself. The second game was released the next year and could be downloaded for free online, and a third even came out for zDoom in 2008. The second game is the one that I think will be the most fun to mock, as it takes place in such edgy locations as a movie theater and a museum.
OPTION 2: MATCHBOX EMERGENCY PATROL
Long before Grand Theft Auto became popular, a young Uzi-Bazooka had a toy tie-in game called Matchbox: Emergency Patrol (sponsored by Matchbox, produced by Matchbox, featuring cars by Matchbox, copyright Matchbox forever.) In the game, you are supposed to drive around in your police car, ambulance, or firetruck, saving lives and so on until you get promoted to chief, but even as a younger lad I thought that was stupid after the second or third time.
The real fun of the game, which is never even mentioned, is running over people, smashing mailboxes, flying off of ramps, and driving on train tracks until you get hit and fly halfway across the interactive world, all while your dispatch officer begs with you to complete the missions. Anarchy is fun, even when sponsored by Matchbox.
If you say Matchbox three times into a mirror you get sued.
OPTION 3: TAMALE LOCO: RUMBLE IN THE DESERT II
Produced by Sierra long after they stopped making great adventure games like King's Quest, Space Quest, and Police Quest, Tamale Loco Rumble in the Desert II is a little-known game that I downloaded when I was 10 for about three dollars, and have loved ever since. A platformer about a lunatic mouse collecting burritos, all while being chased by robots? What's not to love! It also features some of the most hilarious writing I've seen to this day (yes, I know, fanboys, Portal was good too. Now stay down.) Four levels of awesome, and it doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. Siiigh...
*=Hopefully this one won't take six months.
But this time, in the spirit of Democracy or summat, you, the
OPTION 1: CHEX QUEST 2
In 1996, the Chex company included a new prize with their cereal. Nothing surprising about that, I suppose, except that the prize was a computer game, and worse - a kid-friendly total conversion of Doom, with vegetables and fruit replacing health, no blood and gore, and where you played as an anthropomorphic piece of Chex. Cashing in on a fad? Major corporation? Why, then, is the Chex Quest series so good? It has lived on for years, with almost as many fans, websites, and modifications as Doom itself. The second game was released the next year and could be downloaded for free online, and a third even came out for zDoom in 2008. The second game is the one that I think will be the most fun to mock, as it takes place in such edgy locations as a movie theater and a museum.
OPTION 2: MATCHBOX EMERGENCY PATROL
Long before Grand Theft Auto became popular, a young Uzi-Bazooka had a toy tie-in game called Matchbox: Emergency Patrol (sponsored by Matchbox, produced by Matchbox, featuring cars by Matchbox, copyright Matchbox forever.) In the game, you are supposed to drive around in your police car, ambulance, or firetruck, saving lives and so on until you get promoted to chief, but even as a younger lad I thought that was stupid after the second or third time.
The real fun of the game, which is never even mentioned, is running over people, smashing mailboxes, flying off of ramps, and driving on train tracks until you get hit and fly halfway across the interactive world, all while your dispatch officer begs with you to complete the missions. Anarchy is fun, even when sponsored by Matchbox.
If you say Matchbox three times into a mirror you get sued.
OPTION 3: TAMALE LOCO: RUMBLE IN THE DESERT II
Produced by Sierra long after they stopped making great adventure games like King's Quest, Space Quest, and Police Quest, Tamale Loco Rumble in the Desert II is a little-known game that I downloaded when I was 10 for about three dollars, and have loved ever since. A platformer about a lunatic mouse collecting burritos, all while being chased by robots? What's not to love! It also features some of the most hilarious writing I've seen to this day (yes, I know, fanboys, Portal was good too. Now stay down.) Four levels of awesome, and it doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. Siiigh...
*=Hopefully this one won't take six months.
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Falcon Paunch Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:40 am
Numero tres, por favor.
Falcon Paunch- Straight (Wo)Man
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by It Sat Jul 09, 2011 1:17 pm
I can't believe you forgot to make fun of my name...
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Sat Jul 09, 2011 1:38 pm
Vote in the poll, please. Gracias.Falcon Paunch wrote:Numero tres, por favor.
I totally did, loser!DJmankiewicz_email.exe wrote:I can't believe you forgot to make fun of my name...
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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It- Posts : 811
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Sat Jul 09, 2011 10:34 pm
Okay so, I voted for 1 before I read those descriptions
could i perchance change it to option two?
could i perchance change it to option two?
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Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:27 am
Hey guys! Time for some Mini Let's Play news!
First of all, the vote came down to a tie between Tamale Loco and Emergency Patrol. I have made an executive decision to play the latter, as I think it'll be a better LP. That will be up on Labor Day as part of the celebrations then.
Secondly, I teamed up with a friend of mine known on teh Intarwebs as "1997guygamer", and we've created a new group, mainly on Youtube, called 14 Year Old Gamers, where we'll be doing all sorts of hilarious video-game-related shenanigans, including a mini Let's Play of Doom 3, which is already up!
Now you can hear the sultry sound of my voice, lusciously leading you through a level and a half of Doom 3, instead of just IMAGINING the sultry sound of my voice whining about Canary. Enjoy!
First of all, the vote came down to a tie between Tamale Loco and Emergency Patrol. I have made an executive decision to play the latter, as I think it'll be a better LP. That will be up on Labor Day as part of the celebrations then.
Secondly, I teamed up with a friend of mine known on teh Intarwebs as "1997guygamer", and we've created a new group, mainly on Youtube, called 14 Year Old Gamers, where we'll be doing all sorts of hilarious video-game-related shenanigans, including a mini Let's Play of Doom 3, which is already up!
Now you can hear the sultry sound of my voice, lusciously leading you through a level and a half of Doom 3, instead of just IMAGINING the sultry sound of my voice whining about Canary. Enjoy!
- Spoiler:
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:07 am
really major suggestion:
http://camstudio.org/
This program lets you record your computer screen, like i did with my Descend video. You can change the audio settings to record from a mic (Guitar Hero mic works great, thats what i use). Pretty good, though. Nightmar mode sounds like the absolute BIGGEST pile of bullsh*t that the makers of Doom dropped on you guys's doorstep like some kind of f**ked up mailman.
http://camstudio.org/
This program lets you record your computer screen, like i did with my Descend video. You can change the audio settings to record from a mic (Guitar Hero mic works great, thats what i use). Pretty good, though. Nightmar mode sounds like the absolute BIGGEST pile of bullsh*t that the makers of Doom dropped on you guys's doorstep like some kind of f**ked up mailman.
Last edited by cashMoney on Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:22 am; edited 2 times in total
Kinda Long Hair- Co-Founder
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:12 am
Thanks, Triple-M. I should've known you'd have some Movie Magic up your sleeve.
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Sat Aug 06, 2011 9:36 pm
I totally got that Battle for Wesnoth game today.
That is pretty fun most definitely.
That is pretty fun most definitely.
Kinda Long Hair- Co-Founder
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Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:20 am
Question completely unrelated to the game or the LP: How did you get the menu bar to be that sick gold color?
Kinda Long Hair- Co-Founder
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:21 pm
Menu bar? I don't get it.
EDIT: Okay, looking back through the screenshots, I think you might be talking about this:
If so, it's a simple process, as long as you have a Windows 7 computer. If you don't, then I believe you're pretty much hosed.
Anyway...
Right-click on your desktop.
Select "personalize".
Select "Window color".
Then choose whatever color you like. I used the color mixer to choose just the right shade of vomit gold.
EDIT: Okay, looking back through the screenshots, I think you might be talking about this:
If so, it's a simple process, as long as you have a Windows 7 computer. If you don't, then I believe you're pretty much hosed.
Anyway...
Right-click on your desktop.
Select "personalize".
Select "Window color".
Then choose whatever color you like. I used the color mixer to choose just the right shade of vomit gold.
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Thu Aug 18, 2011 9:39 pm
cool, thanks (it worked exactly the same on my Vista computer)
Kinda Long Hair- Co-Founder
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Fri Aug 19, 2011 4:32 pm
Sweet, bro. And he**a jeff.
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:57 pm
im pretty sure we allowed the use of things like hella a while back, but you know, whatever
- Spoiler:
Kinda Long Hair- Co-Founder
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