Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
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Uzi-Bazooka
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Uzi-Bazooka's Third Mini Let's Play - What'll it be?
Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:30 pm
Hey guys!
I've gotten several updates ahead in Hotels in Miami lately, which has given me lots of free time. And what have I been doing with that free time? Well, something constructive, useful, and overall beneficial. PSYCHE! I've been playing video games, of course.
And the more video games I play, the more I realize just how stupid some of the games out there are. For every fun, exciting game I play, there are about thirteen more that suck eggs. And since I have all this free time, I've decided to bring back the project that made me famous in the first place.
That's right: I'm doing a whole new series of Let's Plays!
But they're gonna be Mini Let's Plays. What does this mean? Well, I'm not gonna try and play the whole game, since I've seen how that works with every other LP on this site. This will make them, predictably, smaller.
Also, my Mini Let's Plays will be uploaded all in one go. No more waiting! Get the whole story at once!
This means, however, that there will be no set schedule like there is for HiM. They'll get there when they get there.
The first one's coming some time this week. I leave you with this teaser image. Guess away!
I've gotten several updates ahead in Hotels in Miami lately, which has given me lots of free time. And what have I been doing with that free time? Well, something constructive, useful, and overall beneficial. PSYCHE! I've been playing video games, of course.
And the more video games I play, the more I realize just how stupid some of the games out there are. For every fun, exciting game I play, there are about thirteen more that suck eggs. And since I have all this free time, I've decided to bring back the project that made me famous in the first place.
That's right: I'm doing a whole new series of Let's Plays!
But they're gonna be Mini Let's Plays. What does this mean? Well, I'm not gonna try and play the whole game, since I've seen how that works with every other LP on this site. This will make them, predictably, smaller.
Also, my Mini Let's Plays will be uploaded all in one go. No more waiting! Get the whole story at once!
This means, however, that there will be no set schedule like there is for HiM. They'll get there when they get there.
The first one's coming some time this week. I leave you with this teaser image. Guess away!
Last edited by Uzi-Bazooka on Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:31 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by These are my saturdays Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:10 pm
Uzi you [?bleating goat]
I will beat an entire game and catalog it here ON THIS FORUM just to [?peace] you wrong!
(about the never completing a game thing.)
I will beat an entire game and catalog it here ON THIS FORUM just to [?peace] you wrong!
(about the never completing a game thing.)
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:24 pm
Hey, man, nothing personal. Your Aliens VS. Predator thing is STILL my favorite Let's Play, with Vriska's close behind! Cool down, man!
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by These are my saturdays Sun Feb 13, 2011 6:01 pm
people....READ vriska's?
its more just that i am going to commit now for no other reason than seeing this thread
p.s it won't be [?aliens vs predator]
its more just that i am going to commit now for no other reason than seeing this thread
p.s it won't be [?aliens vs predator]
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Mon Feb 14, 2011 5:50 am
I can neither confirm nor deny that the first game may have a ridiculously massive laser and a magic jetpack.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:44 pm
At last, the grand unveiling! The first incredible saga in the incredible return of Uzi-Bazooka’s incredible Let’s Plays is...
Canary, by Nitrome Games!
…
…
Oh, fine, I suppose you guys’ll be wanting a better ending than that. Fine. How does this work for ya?
Well, that’s it. Hope you all enjoyed my triumphant return to the world of video game mockery! See you next time, in a little place called North Westerfield.
Canary, by Nitrome Games!
- Spoiler:
BACKGROUND:
Nitrome Games (www.nitrome.com) is a website that makes free online games. It has recently tried to expand with a store, an iPad release, and even a soundtrack. And best of luck to them, as they are the makers of some of my favorite online games, including Mutiny and Pest Control.. Their latest game is called Canary, and, foolish and curious, I decided to try it, taking screenshots as I did so. What you see below is the first (and, I assure you, last) time I played this game.
Now, enjoy the hilarity.
Okay, let’s get this biznasty loaded. This being my first time, I have no idea what this game is about, though I suspect birds may be involved. Now it seems, however, that it will take place in outer space. Curioser and curioser.
Hmm. Purple Tentacles. This is gonna be some weird bird.
Also, huge props to whoever took the time to put the little dots on every single button on this screen (which you might not be able to see.) Especially since I’m gonna be looking at this screen for exactly one second before I move on.
Help? A real man requires no help! NONE!
Besides, the controls have been there at the bottom of the screen since the Loading Screen. I’M FIRIN’ MAH LAZER!
With mah tentacles, apparently.
…
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that this game may not be about a bird trying to escape from Gamma’s Pet Shop after all.
WHICH LEVEL SHALL I SELECT?
SERIOUSLY GUYS THIS COULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT CHOICE OF THE ENTIRE GAME!
BUUUUUUUUT probably not.
Ah. Clearly this is when I hear the whole long story behind the game. Which I see now is a MINING game. I settle in for a nice long cutscene.
WHAT THE CRAP?!
No, ladies and gentlemen, that was not time lapse magic. The entire “cutscene” was a picture of an asteroid and two broken sentences. THE HECK?! I WANT MY NON-MONEY BACK, NITROME!
Okay, looking around, I have three lives. Or, three pink lines. Possible three Strawberry GoGurts. Above that is a lame picture of a gun un-suprisingly similar to the one my character is holding.
Aforementioned character is some kind of super-short blue guy whose eyes appear to be sealed shut. Race: indeterminable. I also have some kind of pack on my back (or, again, possible a GoGurt.) Finally, I am being ordered to click on said whackjob so as to “take off.”
Holy crap! A jetpack! Swedish deals!
And some text message appears. I already dislike this guy. Calling me a “rookie,” accusing me of “slacking off”...the nerve! Plus, he talks in all caps! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
So two seconds in and I’ve already been insulted. Plus, I still don’t know what a Canary is, except that I am one.
Well, I guess it’s time to start drilling. Firing my laser makes a little blue line appear in the bar to the top-left. I have no idea what this does.
I guess, if I’m mining, I need to be sure to get the biggest, juiciest crystals.
What the crap?! The huge bits of rock just fall into that hole! This isn’t mining-it’s littering!
Well, I guess there could be guys down there BUT WHO KNOWS?
THIS GAME TELLS ME NOOOOOOTHING!
Um, I really hope that my jetpack can’t run out of fuel or anything.
And I hope even more that all of those triangle-shaped CAUTION signs sprinkled throughout the level don’t mean that anything nearby is flammable because my jetpack’s flame is sort of bigger than my entire body.
BUT NOT, it should be noted, MY HEAD.
Once again, I try to get the little blue crystals. Once again an entire rock wall is wasted into the abyss. No wonder this is Asteroid FIVE HUNDRED AND TWELVE-our mining practices are extremely inefficient.
And I suspect a big part of that is due to this guy. What “all this mess”? YOU are the one who told me to throw the minerals down into Mount Doom, Number One Gandalf.
Well, whatever, he wants me to push this cart, maybe I’ll finally be doing something useful for once.
What the-? Where am I supposed to take this from here? Or am I not supposed to take it anywhere?
More terrible mining practices, I AM TELLING YOU.
Oh, will you SHUT UP? You already gave me this spiel!
And if I really am a “rookie,” why aren’t you down here with the deadly laser and flaming jetpack? Why are you trusting the new guy with this killer arsenal?
I feel sort of bad about this, but since we’re already about 3000% under our quota for the day, it probably doesn’t matter too much.
See, the name of this game would be a lot more accurate if it was called BUBBLE LASER GUY: THE JETPACKENING.
Can I go down the abyss?
Nope. My magical never-ending-fuel jetpack only goes down a *tiny* but before it randomly stops in its flaming tracks.
Wow. Number One @$$hole said a whole sentence without the word “Rookie.” I’m genuinely impressed.
And whaddya mean, “training”?! This IS training.
Unless that Help Screen on the main menu was actually important.
…
NAAAH!
Note: I actually did look at the help page later and it was, as I suspected, totally and completely worthless. So none of this is my fault.
Okay, I know I’m supposed to knock those carts forward, but you know what? Screw Number One and his lame rules. I’m going OVER the cart stack.
Some of you may be wondering if those mineral-rich carts in the background move (center-screen, sparkly blue.) Well, yes. They do. THEY MOVE DOWN. More senseless gem wasting. What is this asteroid coming to?
Also in my incredibly dangerous and incredibly pointless arsenal is my headlight. It’s able to shoot out several feet in front of me...in a completely lit area. Lit by these tiny little lights (far left of the screen) that shoot beams of light exactly one inch away from the source.
…
…
…
Moving on!
The blue line of my laser meter is going really really far and I have absolutely no idea what that means. I’m worried anyway.
Wow. Either I’m extremely strong and manly, or we’re mining styrofoam. Which just makes the littering worse. WHY DOES NOTHING IN THIS GAME MAKE SENSE?!
At last! I’m leaving this giant rock here to be picked up by...the other...canaries? Maybe? I haven’t seen anyone else here, except for the droning text of Number One Jerkwad.
Oh crap I forgot that this is a sidescroller (as in: the screen scrolls.) Maybe my laser can cut through rock in time...
Nope. Playing for maybe one minute and I’ve already lost. Please note that my laser has cut all the way through the rock and done NOTHING.
And why the Heck is my score zero? I cut through tons o’ rock, didn’t I? Is Number One Moron the guy who awards points? And are points, like, worth as much as solid gold in this future society?
As much as it pains me, I restart the level.
This time, there is no being careful. I figure if I’m gonna waste rock, I’m gonna waste ALL THE ROCK. ALL OF IT. I cut it off as high as I can go.
Which is pretty high, considering my magic jetpack.
CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION!!
This is the most fun I’ve had with this game so far.
Oh, look! A Wild Crosshair appeared...for the first time...this whole bloody game. And it’s not even pointed to where I am, or where my laser is going to fire.
This game is like The Convenience Rule of Doom on steroids. Rather than “Nothing in Doom is that Convenient,” the Rule here is “Nothing is even remotely convenient. Or logical.”
Oh, great. Just great. How am I supposed to get through this if I can’t even cut through the rock?
Is this an evil plan to kill me off by Number One? Because I see that, beyond the rock, there’s a ridiculously large pile of carts as well.
Well, you shall not win, Number One Villain! I will use my head and solve your nefarious riddle of the laser!
Or I will use my head to head-butt my way through this cascade of nonsense. I don’t know what Number One’s issue is against me, but he’s not going to kill me off that easily!
What the heck? Cascading blocks? Why don’t I get a lame, insulting, over-explanatory message for these? Usually they happen long before the actual problem appears.
THERE we go. “Watch your head”?! Since when are YOU so concerned for my well-being and safety, Number One?
Though, the more I think about it, the more I realize that that trap can’t have been concocted by him. Besides the fact that he does a grand total of ZERO work around here, it ACTUALLY ALMOST WORKED.
I kinda like this “Big Drill” in that it eliminates the preliminaries. Rather than cutting rock AND throwing it into the Pit, you just throw it directly into the pit. Along with my paycheck. No longer there’s no room in the budget to give me any points.
Get Ready? Get Ready for what? A steel death cage match? Your big mouth vs. my magic jetpack and awesome laser?
Besides, I don’t think I am the reason that we’re way behind quota. I think it’s probably the fact that we’re throwing all of our shipment down the Steep Deep. Or MAYBE it’s the fact that there’s nobody else working out here today.
OR MAYBE IT’S THE FACT THAT OUR BOSS IS A COMPLETE FREAKING MORON!!!
In my anger, I knock over several innocent crates. I would like to now issue a formal apology to all of the crates involved. I feel really bad about it. Kinda.
What the-
HELP! I’VE FLOWN INTO THE ABYSS! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TURN MY STUPID JETPACK OFF! HEEEELP!
The level’s over? Really?
That...
…
…
That really sucked.
At least I have some points now.
Now, see, if I was making a mining game, each level would actually be another level of the mine, and it would grow darker and darker as your character descends further and further, and soon you would actually have to use your mining helmet...
But, no, this entire mine goes in a straight line. The level differentiates between one part of the giant corridor and...an identical part of the same friggin’ corridor. This is one unbelievably phallic mine.
Hey, a new guy! Cool! And he called me by my real name and not just “Rookie!” What a nice guy.
What the...
How am I supposed to get through this pile of ridiculousness? This thing is huge!
Well, I can’t cut through there inexplicably. What is it with these black fuzzy border areas? I can’t do ANYTHING there!
Well, I finally got through that pile of weirdnes-
WHAT THE CRAP?!
A strange floaty purple sphere thing! That Number Two has never heard of!
Oh no...
No...
NOOOOOthis is gonna be like Doom all over again, isn’t it?
And, like, all the other Canaries are gonna die, right? And then it’ll be all knee-deep in the dead, but there’ll be some random switches to hit!
Well, I’m bailing out before that happens, I can assure you. If I wanted to play Doom, I’d play Doom.
Another pile of rocks. Fortunately, I know the secret now.
Ow! The secret of giant rocks falling on my oh-so-manly but oh-so-tiny head has cost me one delicious Strawberry GoGurt. THIS CANNOT STAND.
Yes, thank you random talking guy. Surprisingly polite though you may be, Number Two, you are a bit repetitive.
And I bet Number One is some kind of alienized not-a-Doom-ripoff zombie by now. Or dead. Or maybe just lazy.
Well, if this does turn into a third-person shooter, at least I have a gun with unlimited ammo...
...That cuts through aliens far more easily than it cuts through rock. Probably poor planning on somebody’s part.
”Hey, Chuck!”
“Yeah?”
“Well, we’re buildin’ that new layzz-ur gun, right?”
“...Yeeaah...”
“Well, me an’ the boys were thinkin’ that it should be able to cut through aliens! Y’know, ‘n‘case there’s some kinda attack in the mines!”
“But we already have anti-alien systems in place. Besides, if we add the ability to kill aliens, there won’t be enough room to make the mining circuitry.”
“Dude, no, I am SERIOUS. We NEED this. Get rid of the old anti-alien systems, whydontcha?”
“Fine. I’ll have to take out the ‘Useful Mining Ability’ Function of this Laser Gun, though.”
“Pfft! Whatever. We already got, like, three of those.”
Awww, how cute and adorable! What’s your name, you little purple guy? Come here, I won’t hurt you-
GARY MOTHER OF MOD!
That thing totally killed me in one stab! What the crap?!
He hit me so hard that my character opened his eyes for the first time!
GAME RESTART x2 COMBO!
I’m not waiting around this time. You die here and you DIE NOW!
Y’know, these alien Squidballs really take pride in their work. You don’t see weaving like this very much nowadays.
It’s worth noting, by the way, that although the precious minerals go straight into the Bog of Eternal Stench, the alien monsters land safely, and invincibly, on the ground. We need to get our friggin’ priorities straight, that’s what.
Foreman White? A hypocrite? Say it ain’t so!
Interesting to know that he has an actual name, though. I’ve just been calling him Number One this whole time. I wonder if that makes this guy Sub-Foreman Brown. It’s less disgusting than “Brown Number Two.”
Oh, no.
Oh Heck no.
No.
NO.
NO!
I am NOT going to play this game if my reward is saving Foreman Shmuckjob! No effing way! No F***ing way, if it comes to that. He’d just call me a ROOKIE and tell me to get back to work, anyway!
Well, I will get back to work. Back to my actual low-paying job of cutting through rock.
And now there’s some new aliens to match the Cute b/w Deadlies and the Squidballs. I’ll call them...
Stupid. Deadly and Stupid and Stupid-stupid. I had THREE LIVES and they only hit me once! How did they do that?! Did I also get hit by rock? Get shoved off by the screen?
That is it. I HAVE HAD IT!
I’ve played barely more than one level of this game and died three times. It’s stupid and pointless and my job is to save the character who is pretty much the most annoying helper in any game since Ocarina of Time. Who CARES about this Asteroid or any of its stupid alien problems? I refuse to play to the end!
…
…
Oh, fine, I suppose you guys’ll be wanting a better ending than that. Fine. How does this work for ya?
- Spoiler:
Well, that’s it. Hope you all enjoyed my triumphant return to the world of video game mockery! See you next time, in a little place called North Westerfield.
Last edited by Strong Vader on Sat Jul 09, 2011 3:08 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spoiler'd for loading time)
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Falcon Paunch Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:21 pm
I feel I should state what my favorite part was.
I also feel that I could say "the entire dang thing" and not feel guilty.
I also feel that I could say "the entire dang thing" and not feel guilty.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:04 pm
Well, thanks. This Let's Play was very different from DooM II in that it really was my first playthrough. I took these screenshots and jotted down the notes of what I was thinking at each point. And I really did get tired of dying and having to save Number One crap-for-brains.
And MY favorite part is the Ending. I would listen to A Trick of the Light.
And MY favorite part is the Ending. I would listen to A Trick of the Light.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by It Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:08 pm
That was actually better than a regular let's play.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:09 am
Thank you, thank you. *dignified bow*
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Fri Mar 25, 2011 5:18 am
NEWS UPDATE:
Edge Magazine has voted Canary "Internet Game of the Year" because of its "old-fashioned, beat-the-screen structure with a simple but consistently surprising gameplay mechanic."
I felt the same way about this game. The gameplay was surprising: Since I was not told in any way at the beginning how to play, or what all those icons meant, I was consistently surprised by the fact that "Oh, that means that I've just died/my laser just broke/a bad thing happened."
And I don't want to "beat the screen"! The screen should be on my side! Helping me by displaying my enemies and myself and the interaction therein (except in Brawl, where Resetti and Nintendog exist.) I don't want to be having to fight the screen AND the enemies (or, in this case, falling bits of random blocksam.)
Edge Magazine has voted Canary "Internet Game of the Year" because of its "old-fashioned, beat-the-screen structure with a simple but consistently surprising gameplay mechanic."
I felt the same way about this game. The gameplay was surprising: Since I was not told in any way at the beginning how to play, or what all those icons meant, I was consistently surprised by the fact that "Oh, that means that I've just died/my laser just broke/a bad thing happened."
And I don't want to "beat the screen"! The screen should be on my side! Helping me by displaying my enemies and myself and the interaction therein (except in Brawl, where Resetti and Nintendog exist.) I don't want to be having to fight the screen AND the enemies (or, in this case, falling bits of random blocksam.)
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Falcon Paunch Fri Mar 25, 2011 9:45 am
Uzi-Bazooka wrote:NEWS UPDATE:
Edge Magazine has voted Canary "Internet Game of the Year"
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Fri Mar 25, 2011 3:41 pm
At last! A fellow Dork Tower reader!
By the way, this is the same magazine that gave us the quote
Still, this makes their love for Canary a little more believable, I suppose.
By the way, this is the same magazine that gave us the quote
Edge Magazine Writer Guy N'Gai Croal wrote:You’re dead wrong that ‘fun’ is the point of videogames. No, I say. It’s not. That’s a fallacy that grows out of this unfortunate etymological ensnarement the medium is stuck with. Games, for me, are supposed to be interesting or engaging, and can arrive there in any number of ways. But fun? Who cares about fun?
Still, this makes their love for Canary a little more believable, I suppose.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Falcon Paunch Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:26 pm
Sorry to burst your bubble, but all I did was Google "wall bang" and I got that picture.Uzi-Bazooka wrote:At last! A fellow Dork Tower reader!
I looked Dork Tower up when you mentioned it, and it looks pretty cool.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Mon Jun 20, 2011 8:13 am
I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THIS TOPIC!
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by It Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:35 pm
I haven't either... within the past 8 seconds. Nine seconds. Ten seconds. Eleven seconds. Twelve seconds. Thirteen seconds. Fourteen seconds. Quarter of a minute.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:36 am
Hey, look, guys! A wild Teaser Image appeared!
Consider yourselves teased.
Consider yourselves teased.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:50 am
uhh...
runescape?
maybe?
runescape?
maybe?
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:20 am
Nope. The Runescape title screen looks like this:
Plus, seems like it'd be really hard to do an LP of that. Unpredictable, certainly. You'll be going along with your little narrative when some HUMAN BEING comes in and screws it all up for you by doing something.
Plus, seems like it'd be really hard to do an LP of that. Unpredictable, certainly. You'll be going along with your little narrative when some HUMAN BEING comes in and screws it all up for you by doing something.
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:30 am
Well, all of the picture-taking and writing is done for the next MLP, but I still have to upload it.
All 101 screenshots of it. Weren't these supposed to be "Mini" Let's Plays?
All 101 screenshots of it. Weren't these supposed to be "Mini" Let's Plays?
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Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Kinda Long Hair Wed Jun 29, 2011 4:58 pm
is it storm winds????
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Name: Level three warlock
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Uzi-Bazooka Wed Jun 29, 2011 5:01 pm
VADER: Imgur?! What's Imgur?!
MMM: Storm Winds?! What's Storm Winds?!
MMM: Storm Winds?! What's Storm Winds?!
Uzi-Bazooka- Evil Admin
- Posts : 3140
Join date : 2009-08-11
Age : 28
Location : Brainblow City. If I leave, I could be shot on sight!
Character sheet
Name: The Doomguy
Re: Uzi-Bazooka's Mini Let's Plays!
by Strong Vader Wed Jun 29, 2011 11:51 pm
www.imgur.com
image hosting site that's probably faster than using the forum's
also you can select multiples there
image hosting site that's probably faster than using the forum's
also you can select multiples there
Strong Vader- Il Diggaditchie
- Posts : 2243
Join date : 2009-08-06
Age : 30
Location : An undisclosed location in an undisclosed bunker
Character sheet
Name: The GM, you fool! -
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