Re: Video Games

[Kinda Long Hair]

Well, does your DVD have a... wait... I don't have either of those.

[Sam Fissure]

E3 so far:
Homefront in a nutshell: "Hey! You've got some of your North Korea in my America!"
That's right, folks, North Korea has invaded. You are a civilian turned freedom fighter fighting the Korean occupation. You are in a squad, and, like Battlefield Bad Company, everyone in your squad has a distinct personality. You get to see/protect some of the places where they live and the like.

[The Wheelchair]

Kirby's Epic Yarn Kirby's Epic Yarn Kirby's Epic Yarn Kirby's Epic Yarn Kirby's Epic Yarn Kirby's Epic Yarn Kirby's Epic Yarn

....

Paper Mario 3DS Paper Mario 3DS Paper Mario 3DS Paper Mario 3DS Paper Mario 3DS Paper Mario 3DS Paper Mario 3DS

[These are my saturdays]

NINTENDO: GIMMICK WIZARDS.

They've been gimmick wizards since they started making video games. The NES first shipped to America with that weird robot included. I still have no idea what that thing does.

[Sam Fissure]

aah, so you've been watching.

[The Wheelchair]

NINTENDO: GIMMICK WIZARDS.

They've been gimmick wizards since they started making video games. The NES first shipped to America with that weird robot included. I still have no idea what that thing does.

I hear that if you put it on its back, the eyes make excellent cup holders.

Honestly, I couldn't care less about the 3D in this new handheld. But this is Paper Mario we're talking about here. And not a crappy "switch between 2D and 3D platforming" Paper Mario like the Wii one. No, I'm talking about a good ol' Paper Mario RPG like the Gamecube one, which is quite possibly my favorite Mario game ever. I've been waiting for this for years.

[These are my saturdays]

The best peripheral ever made by nintendo? LaserScope.
You know the NES Zapper? Well this was basically that, right? But it fit on your head like headphones and had the zapper part snake out in front of it. Then it had this little mic that you yelled "FIRE!" into to make it zap the screen. So if you play Duck Hunt, you swing your head around pointing at the screen going "FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE" until the ducks are dead.
The best part? You don't technically have to say "fire." You can say whatever. Think about the possibilities for a moment.

[The Wheelchair]

I finished the third episode of Sam & Max: The Devil's Playhouse, and you know what that means! It's time for me to reconfigure my
LIST OF SAM & MAX EPISODES BY QUALITY
Since last month, I've looked back on some old episodes and decided to switch my list around a bit! Watch and learn!

#1: The Tomb of Sammun-Mak - Best Part: Solving a whodunnit on the Disorient Express
#2: Night of the Raving Dead - Best Part: Defeating an emo vampire with "mad rhymes".
#3: What's New, Beelzebub? - Best Part: Getting a cooking show canceled by the FCC.
#4: Chariots of the Dogs - Best Part: Making Max fall in love with Bosco's mother.
#5: Bright Side of the Moon - Best Part: Setting up a date between a giant stone head of Abraham Lincoln and Sybil.
#6: They Stole Max's Brain! - Best Part: Interrogating suspects using Flint Paper's tried-and-true methods.
#7: Reality 2.0 - Best Part: Saving the world through a text adventure.
#8: Moai Better Blues - Best Part: Tricking a Bermuda Triangle into visiting Stinky's.
#9: Abe Lincoln Must Die! - Best Part: Creating a war between the Dakotas.
#10: Ice Station Santa - Best Part: Saving the marriage of two rats.
#11: The Penal Zone - Best Part: Tracking down Skun-ka'pe with the Crimetron.
#12: Situation: Comedy - Best Part: Filming the worst sitcom ever.
#13: Culture Shock - Best Part: "Destroying the intruder in your dreams"
#14: The Mole, the Mob, and the Meatball - Best Part: Faking Sybil's murder.

And there you have it, kids! Join me again next month when I once again reorganize this list of EPISODES OF-
Oh, forget it. Who cares?

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I would definitely have put the Mole, the Mob, and the Meatball above Culture Shock. Why the reverse?

[The Wheelchair]

I would definitely have put the Mole, the Mob, and the Meatball above Culture Shock. Why the reverse?

Eh, The Mole, the Mob, and the Meatball just didn't really have any standout, clever puzzle. Faking Sybil's murder and the Yo Mama joke segment were both good, but nothing standout about them. Culture Shock, on the other hand, had the awesome dream segments that I thought were quite genius. I also thought the final showdown puzzle was slightly better in Culture Shock, but maybe that's just because I like dialog puzzles. Oh, and I found Brady Culture to be a more interesting villain than Harry Moleman.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Yeah, I guessed that Harry Moleman was Ted E. Bear before even going to the casino. Still, you have to admit that Max faking his death in MoleMobMeatball was hilarious. HILARIOUS I TELL YOU. HILARIOUS.
As for the Culture Shock end battle, it seemed incredibly easy to me. However, my copy of the game came with several songs from the soundtrack, including the one that plays during that battle (called "Attack the Dog.") BEST. SONG. EVER. I taught myself to play it on my French Horn, and I could just play that thing all day long. It's also always a hit at parties (and since Sam & Max is such an obscure, underground, cult* game that nobody knows what it is, so I can pretend it's some fancy-shmancy jazz classic and nobody's the wiser.)

*I use the word "cult" not in the meaning of "creepy, usually prostitution-based religious following." I use it in the sense of something that is somewhat obscure, not mainstream, but still loved by a select few, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Dr. who (unless you're in Britain, where it's more of an institution, and not in the sense of institution meaning large building of scientists, but in the sense of long upstanding tradition, tradition not in the sense of...you know what, this is already one of the longest footnotes ever, and certainly the longest ever posted on this site, so I'm going to stop soon. Actually, some of the longest footnotes were written by Terry Pratchett in his Discworld series. That man has too much time on his hands and too much space in his lower margins, much like me in that respect. Now that this footnote is longer than the post, I shall stop, and we can resume the discussion of Sam & Max. Oh, wait. I just realized that somebody might have been reading this footnote, which is longer than the post itself, and forgotten what the post was. I'll quote it again here so that The Wheelchair can be sure to use it against me to tell me why I'm wrong about Sam & Max, and everything else for that matter, that guy is somewhat obsessed. Maybe he's the member of a cult. Actually, I'm sure the members of this forum are smart enough to realize not to read this super long footnote, and probably skipped over it. Even if they didn't, they can just go back up and re-read it. They are that kind of people. Ow, I just hurt myself with my own bad grammar! Lemme try again. hat person is kind of them. There. Much better. Anydangway, I'm just going to close the parenthesis I started way back there and end this footnote now.)

[These are my saturdays]

No no, Uzi. Sam & Max applies to BOTH meanings of "cult"

People deform their faces to have dog and rabbit features, and then they solve rubix cubes and sudoku before running into a subway and pumping hot lead into alleged "rapists and murderers"

It's a lifestyle choice don't judge them.

[Kinda Long Hair]

BEST. SONG. EVER. I taught myself to play it on my French Horn, and I could just play that thing all day long.

Heh. You teach yourself to play video-game songs on the french horn, and I teach myself how to play Beatle songs on the marimba.

I've got "Hey Jude" down perfectly! Cords and all!

[Snappington The Fifth]

I teach myself to play video-game songs on piano and other random stuff.

[The Wheelchair]

Yeah, I guessed that Harry Moleman was Ted E. Bear before even going to the casino. Still, you have to admit that Max faking his death in MoleMobMeatball was hilarious. HILARIOUS I TELL YOU. HILARIOUS.
As for the Culture Shock end battle, it seemed incredibly easy to me. However, my copy of the game came with several songs from the soundtrack, including the one that plays during that battle (called "Attack the Dog.") BEST. SONG. EVER. I taught myself to play it on my French Horn, and I could just play that thing all day long. It's also always a hit at parties (and since Sam & Max is such an obscure, underground, cult* game that nobody knows what it is, so I can pretend it's some fancy-shmancy jazz classic and nobody's the wiser.)

Yeah, Max's death scene was amazing, particularly the line "For heroes die but once, unless they're in a video game, in which case they die a lot too."
As for the Culture Shock end battle, it was kinda easy, but I liked the idea of using Brady's insane lust for attention against him. Oh, and Attack the Dog was probably one of my favorite pieces of music in the whole season, ignoring the musical numbers, that is. I also liked Hugh's Inner Sanctum and the Don Ted E. Bear Waltz. By the way, someone uploaded every song from the Season 1 onto Youtube, so you can take a listen to those.
Oh, and I caught that comment about me being in a cult! You didn't think I would read that, did you? I'll show you what happens when you accuse the Wheelster of being in a cult! SOON YOU SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF THE CULT OF MOLEOSTOPYSAMY2K! AT LEAST, YOU WOULD IF I WERE IN A CULT. WHICH I'M NOT. TOTALLY.

[These are my saturdays]

I was not talking about you personally I cannot imagine you wading into a subway and murdering vagrants.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Heh. You teach yourself to play video-game songs on the french horn, and I teach myself how to play Beatle songs on the marimba.

I don't just learn video game songs (although I do seem to do a lot of that.) I also learned the Dangeresque theme. If I didn't have such vivid memories of my attempted birthday present for Strong Vader, I would try to upload a recording of myself playing it. Maybe even Attack the Dog, too.

I was not talking about you personally I cannot imagine you wading into a subway and murdering vagrants.

No, I imagine The Wheelchair as more of a house-breaker-into-er. You know, like he would hack into Telltale's system and find everyone who hasn't purchased a copy of Sam & Max. Then, one by one, he would break into each person's house and shoot them with an oversized Smith & Wesson Model 29 .44 Magnum, whilst shouting "IF YOU WOULD STOP BEING STINGY AND ACTUALLY FORK OVER SOME CASH TO PLAY IT, MAYBE WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS 'CONVERSATION,' SCUMBAG!"

[These are my saturdays]

The best video game cultists are the PC Legionaries that bust down console owner's doors and murder them for the "greater good of gaming society"

[The Wheelchair]

I was not talking about you personally I cannot imagine you wading into a subway and murdering vagrants.

No, I imagine The Wheelchair as more of a house-breaker-into-er. You know, like he would hack into Telltale's system and find everyone who hasn't purchased a copy of Sam & Max. Then, one by one, he would break into each person's house and shoot them with an oversized Smith & Wesson Model 29 .44 Magnum, whilst shouting "IF YOU WOULD STOP BEING STINGY AND ACTUALLY FORK OVER SOME CASH TO PLAY IT, MAYBE WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS 'CONVERSATION,' SCUMBAG!"

Dang, you overestimate my insanity. I could use this to my advantage...
YO, UZI! I DEMAND 50 BUCKS, A NEW PAIR OF SHOES, AND A COUPLE BOXES OF MILKY WAYS! FORK 'EM OVER OR YOUR HOUSE GONNA GO UP IN SMOKES!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

YO, UZI! I DEMAND 50 BUCKS

Why can't you get this through your skull? I HAVE NO MONEY! NOT A SINGLE FLIPPING RED CENT! ANYWAY, IF I DID, I WOULDN'T BE GIVING IT TO YOU, CULT-FOR-BRAINS!

[Kinda Long Hair]

YO UZI FORK OVER 23.99 BUCKS OR YOUR HOUSE GON GO UP IN SMOKES

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Maybe we should make a new topic - "Threaten Uzi and Demand His Money". I think it could become our #1 Off-topic game!

[The Wheelchair]

Maybe we should make a new topic - "Threaten Uzi and Demand His Money". I think it could become our #1 Off-topic game!

I like it! Tell you what, make it happen and I'll only demand $49.99! Plus shipping and handling.

[Kinda Long Hair]

bah!

[The Wheelchair]

bah!

High five, Magicm'n.

Oh, and just so you all know, Telltale is giving away Wallace and Gromit Episode 3 for free today via this link. I'm not really interested in the Wallace and Gromit episodes, but it's free, so why not?

[Sponsored content]