Re: Avatar above you...

[Falcon Paunch]

(^ WIN)

Yes, iced confections ARE epic, I'm glad you cleared that up for us, cat, because I almost thought they were average.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Joooooooiiiin uuuuuuus.
Joooooooiiiinnn uuuuuuuussss!

[It]

Join us, Luke. Turn to the darkened side of the force! Of course, there is a rigorous initiation process where we burn you in a 4000 degrees Kelvin incinerator, but if you survive that, then you're in!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Somewhere, at Internet HQ.

Sir!

Yes, Williams?

People are demanding more cat pictures!

What? More cat pictures?

Yes, sir. There just aren't enough to satisfy the Internet-goers. Sir, they want...MOAR.

Lord have mercy...very well, Williams. Get down to the boys in the .JPG department.

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

* * *

You can't be serious, Williams!

Sorry, George. These orders come from higher up. And the boss is always serious.

You don't understand, Williams! People are going to catch on eventually! They'll realize that these pictures can't all just come from overexcited pet owners with webcams. People will start to wonder where they are coming from, and then the sh%t will REALLY hit the fan!

Do you think I don't know that? But there's nothing else we can do. People like cats almost as much as they liek mudkips, and we're below our meme count this month.

*sigh*...Fine, Williams. But is people catch on, it'll be both our @$$es.

It's a risk we have to take. I've got to go, now. You know what to do.

I sure do, Mr. Williams. I sure do.

...

Okay, is the sniper in position?

Roger that, Mr. Roberts.

Is the photographer in position?

Copy that, George.

Are the words placed correctly, and is the technician in place?

Yes, Mr. Roberts.

Hey, you're that new guy, right?

Yessir. Just joined last month.

Well, you know how this works then. Every letter is hooked up to a wire attached to your control panel. You'll have to angle the letters so that they're in the right position when the picture snaps, while still making it look like crappily-done photoshop. It's one of the toughest parts of this job. Can you handle it?

I've been through training, Mr. Roberts. I can handle it.

Well, we'll see. All right, if everyone's ready? Jerome! Release the kitten!

{Massive steel doors in the underground facility open, and a slightly confused cat walks out. It sees a donut in the middle of the room, with some words attached to wires hanging like a mobile from the ceiling above it.}

Okay, team, wait for it.

{The cat begins to walk towards the donut, sniffing curiously.}

Steady, sniper. Steady...wait until it's only about a foot away.

Copy that.

Steady...steady...TAKE THE SHOT!

BANG!

Oh my gosh! OH...Augh...I think I'm gonna be sick.

You keep angling the letters, techie! Makes sure it's just right!

Oh, but it's...oh...look! It's still alive! It's still reaching for the donut!

Perfect! Take the picture now!

SNAP!

Now hit it again!

BANG!

Good! How'd the picture turn out?

...

Repeat: how's the picture?

It all looks good on this end, sir. Like something only a little girl would actually still find amusing.

Good, good. All right everyone, let's reset. We've got a hundred and thirty-seven more of these to do.

Oh, gods...why did...but...

You did well for your first time, newbie. It gets easier.

But why do we have to do it this way?

Standard Internet policy - it's the best way to get the pictures.

But...so much death...

Well, that's the Internet for ya. It's a cruel, cruel place. You wanna see some real horrors; the Rule 34 room's right next door.

Oh, NO! No...I think...I think I'll be all right.

Exactly, son. Now keep to your duty. RELEASE THE SECOND CAT!

You might think that those oh-so-adorable kitten pictures are harmless. But they're not. Every time you see a picture of a cat online, that cat is dead; murdered for your entertainment. It's time to stop the violence. Shun LOLcats and I can hasz cheeszburger. Together, we can do this. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can stop teh lulz.
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE I CAN HASZ JUSTICE SOCIETY TO END KITTY PIC MURDER.

[Falcon Paunch]

...

[It]

Uzi... that... was just so... epic. You actually managed to shift the topic of this game to all of us complimenting that post. Or at least, now you have.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I was trying to think of a way to make the adorable, harmless cat pictures seem evil and twisted.

So I did.

[It]

Well bravo. You just won the internet. Probably.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I wouldn't want to win the Internet. What would I do with it? And where would I keep it?

[It]

In that incinerator you're always hanging out in.

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Actually, I'm in Hell, with the dead cat.

[It]

Well I must be in heaven! It's so WARM and inviting!

[Kinda Long Hair]

Surprised you could spell donut, considering you cant spell "is"

[It]

And so, a buncha diamond-shaped rips in the space-time continueum* opened up in the sky, and that's when we knew we were doomed.

*HOW THE FRIG DO YOU SPELL THAT???

[Kinda Long Hair]

It's I Can Haz Cheezburger, not I Can Haz Donut!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

Ever since I was a young boy, I played the blue-kinda-sorta ball (with-diamond-shaped-holes-in-it-and-some-dudes-peeking-out.)
...
...
...
uh...
From Soho down to Brighton, I must have played them all!

[Falcon Paunch]

I think we all ran out of jokes, Uzi.

[Kinda Long Hair]

"What do you mean we're out cheese whiz?"

[Falcon Paunch]

Ah, nothing like seeing a spray-painted potato riding a motorcycle on your way to work.

[It]

What? Why are you looking at me like that? You're white as a ghost! (seconds later, realizes I'm looking in a mirror.)

[Falcon Paunch]

You know what would be just disgusting was if the cat touched the donut and got his cat hairs all over it and then their owner ate it anyways.

[Kinda Long Hair]

"I've been trapped inside my office for days now"

[Uzi-Bazooka]

They see me rollin'...they hatin'...

[It]

I think Uzi's giving us the cold shoulder by not changing his avatar. I didn't even know he could do that!

[Uzi-Bazooka]

I've got to go to work now, Donut, sweetie. I love you!

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