The HREmail Game

[Strong Vader]

This is a spinoff of the SBEmail Game. Same rules, yadda yadda. I'll start.

Dear Homestar,
How do you type without hands?
Your friend,
Strong Vader

[Kinda Long Hair]

cut to Hremail room.
Shadow Homestar: Welcome to the Hremail show, and here is your host, Homestar Runner!

The lights come on to show non-shadow homestar. The table reads "This guy" and the coffee mug reads "Wrestleman's Own"

H*R: Today's email comes from Strong Vader from Hoth.

Dear Homestar,
How do you type without hands?
Your friend,
Strong Vader

H*R: Well, Strong Vader, I do have hands. They're just invisible. Thanks for your concern though.

fade out and fade back in on the stick. Homestar is standing there. SB walks by.

H*R: Oh hey SB. Did you see my Hremail show today?

SB: Uhh... NO! I was busy blocking Strong Vader's emails.

: Strong Vader? Hey what a coincidence! That's who sent me my email!

SB: Wait what? What did the email say?

static.

cut to Hremail room.
Shadow Homestar: Welcome to the Hremail show, and here is your host, Homestar Runner!

The lights come on to show non-shadow homestar. The table reads "This guy" and the coffee mug reads "Wrestleman's Own"

H*R: Today's email comes from Strong Vader from Hoth.

Dear Homestar,
How do you type without hands?
Your friend,
Strong Vader

H*R: Well, Strong Vader, I do have hands. They're just invisible. Thanks for your concern though.

pull back to reveal that it is being shown on the TV with H*R and SB watching it.

SB: Bwahahaha! I've long wondered how that worked...

{H*R seems shocked}

SB: ...I mean...

{H*R seems mad}

SB:...That's awesome.

cut to compé

SB: (typing) You're okay SV. I think I'll un-block your emails, as long as you send me GOOD ones!

zoom out to show that that was being played on Arturo.

Cut to the Hremail desk.

H*R: Thank you Arturo. And that's how you could get Strong Bad to take you off his idiot filter, Strong Vader. Thanks for the question. See you next time!


My Hremail:

Dear Homestar
Did you and Strong Bad know each other when you were little?
Your pal
Jhonka

[Strong Vader]

{cut to the Hremail room.}
SHADOW HOMESTAR: Welcome to the show, and here is your host, Homestar Runner!
{Lights come on. Music plays. Homestar's mug says "Duckie Shirt Man"}
HOMESTAR: Hey guys hey guys! Today's e-mail comes from the land of videogames.

Dear Homestar
Did you and Strong Bad know each other when you were little?
Your pal
Jhonka

You know, Jhonka, I could never beat Peasant's Quest. That Kerrek guy kept hitting me for some reason and wouldn't drink the melonade I gave him.

You know, Jhonka, SB and I have always been close friends. Ever since the 1495 Treaty of Tordesillas.

{cut to an old-timey, historical atmosphere (not Old-Timey, old timey as in the ones where Homestar has that wig and is standing in front of a background and declares Eggs not Fruit.)}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR: It was the treaty between France and Spain.

NARRATOR CHERRY GREG: No, it was the treaty between Spain and Portugal.

NARRATOR HOMESTAR: Right, right. Spain and Prance. {No, Spain and PORTUGAL.} Right. Strong Badia and Dortugal. {NO! Spain and Portugal!} {halfheartedly} Spain and Portugal. So, Strong Bad and I were friends for life.

{cut to Homestar's Computer Room}

{Strong Bad is there, and seething.}

HOMESTAR: Hey, Strong Bad! Are you here for the flashback, too?

STRONG BAD: {barely controlled} That's not how it happened!

HOMESTAR: Do you have one better?

STRONG BAD: Um, I already covered this in another SBEmail. Shut up and do another. In fact, why don't you set up a donut shop in direct opposition to Bubs or something?

HOMESTAR: Cool, cool.

Dear Homestar,
You don't wear pants, right? You just have blue soles glued to the bottom of your shoes, right? Why don't you create a light globe collection?
Your friend,
Sam-I-Am

[Kinda Long Hair]

Dear Homestar,
You don't wear pants, right? You just have blue soles glued to the bottom of your shoes, right? Why don't you create a light globe collection?
Your friend,
Sam-I-Am

H*R: Well, that's simply not true, I wear long pants. (jumps on top of desk) LONG PANTS! sMA, THE LONGEST PANTS. EVERYBODY EVERYBODY LONGEST PANTS. LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG PANTS! But... I suppose I could put on some{holds aloft the daisy dukes} daisy dukes and maybe have strong bad give me some light globes. He always says creepy pants all the time get some. Lets try it.

cut to computer room

STRONG BAD: And if I email you! Girl, woman! {He holds up pieces of paper that say "Girl." and "Woman." as he says those words.} Oh, would you email me? Girl, woman! {He holds up the papers again. Then he brings up the email:}

Dear Strongbad,
Why doesn't homestar ever wear pants? It's kind of
creepy how he walks around with no pants on all the time.
Anyway, I think you should get him some pants, maybe some
parachute pants would work...yeah, that would work. Or maybe
some clown pants, I don't care, just get him some pants!
Tootles!
Clancy

{Strong Bad skips everything after "Anyway" and before "I don't care" and, instead, says "Blabbity blah, blah blebbity bloo". He also pronounces "Tootles" as "Toot-less" and "Clancy" as "Clanky".}

STRONG BAD: Aw, {begins typing} Too long, Clanky, too looong! Good thing you didn't indent, man, or this never woulda made it past my 2nd paragraph filter: {types 'run "Edga Jr."'} Edga Jr.
{The splash screen for "Edga Jr. The Long Email Killa Filta" comes up, similar to Edgar the Virus Hunter, except it shows a picture of a pimply red-haired boy saying "Indent and Die!"}

STRONG BAD: Aw, look at him. He's one o' them red-haireded rapscalli... wags. {He returns to the email.} Well, I think we can salvage this one with a little editing. Let me once again call upon the services of my trusty, somewhat dusty, electronic light-pen input high-tech expensive device! Now in HD!
{He pulls out a correction pen bearing the words "X-PENSIVE WHITE" and shakes it.}

STRONG BAD: Just have to shake up the...expensive electrons here. All set! So, let's see! {he mumbles and says} Expensive high-tech device... {as he whites out the words, producing:}

Dear Strongbad,
Why wear pants? creapy pants all the time.
get some maybe
parachute maybe
clown care, some ants!
Toot!
Clancy

STRONG BAD: There! Now let's see what we got!
{re-reads the altered email}

STRONG BAD: Dear Strongbad, Why wear pants? Creepy pants all the time get some. Maybe parachute, maybe clown care. Some ants toot! Clanky. {He begins typing.} Now there's an email worth answering! Some ants toot. Tee-hee! {He clears the screen, but the correction fluid remains.} So, why wear pants? An age old question. Was it not Adam West who once said, "E—
{The camera pans back to show Homestar wearing very short purple pants}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Strong Bad, check out my creepy pants!

STRONG BAD: {looking away} Ew, Homestar! What're you wearing them Daisy Dukes for?!
{Homestar's pants shine.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: 'Cuz you said, "Creepy pants all the time get some."

STRONG BAD: Get some what?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I dunno. Light globes?

STRONG BAD: {stares flatly} ...Light globes.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You know, like in a lamp! Light globes! {His pants shine again.}

STRONG BAD: So... You put on hot pants in the hopes of getting some lightbulbs.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {correctively} Globes.

{Homestar's pants shine again briefly as he says it.}

STRONG BAD: Well, since you're here, let's talk about your pants. Or your lack thereof... Daisy Dukes aside.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What are you talking about, Strong Bad? {shakes leg} I- I wear long pants.

STRONG BAD: Um... no, from what I can tell, you wear no pants and have blue soles glued to the bottoms
of your feet. {indicates Homestar's feet}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {looking shocked} W- Well, that's simply not true. I have long pants, I wear long pants. I'm a long pants man, long pants, long pants!
{Homestar starts getting upset and dances around}

STRONG BAD: Okay, calm down... I didn't mean to—

{Homestar jumps high into the air and convulses on Strong Bad's desk.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Long pants, Strong Bad! The longest pants! Everybody everybody! Longest pants!
{He starts teleporting around the room to a different place after each word he utters. He first appears in front of Strong Bad, then leaning in behind him, then hanging upside down from the ceiling, then pixellated on the Lappy's screen as Atari Homestar, then blurred in the scene's foreground, then upside down under the desk, then back to his original position, looking exhausted and out of breath, all while chanting the following.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Long long long long long long pants!

STRONG BAD: Oight! Ah! That's it! We need to get you some serious clown care, man!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I was told long pants! Long pants! They said long pants! Always long pants! {leans toward Strong Bad, and the camera zooms in on the two} Long, my pants! {zoom in on the two again} Gleaming pants! {zoom in on the two yet again, this time with a red background} Glorious pants!
{Homestar runs away, leaving the Daisy Dukes behind. They fall and hook around Strong Bad's foot.}

STRONG BAD: Bleh! Egh! BLEEEGGEHHEGH!
{He shakes his foot in a panic until the Daisy Dukes fly off and land on the floor some distance away, while The Cheat appears stage left to burn them with the BMW Lighter. They almost instantly combust with a noxious, neon green flame.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
{The Cheat leaves, and Strong Bad turns back to the computer.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Noice work, Clanky. You made Homestar go nuts and you've seriously creeped me out.

cut to H*R bedroom.

{Homestar is lying in bed with light bulbs beside and on the floor beneath him.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {crying} Loooonnng paaaannnts!

MARZIPAN: Awww, there there, Homestar. It's not so bad. Everybody thinks I'm a broom.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Sits up suddenly, surprised} You're not a broom?!


My hremail

Yo Yo DJ H*R!
How's it going, Ma..aaaa...an!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
C-Dub da rap music extrodinare!!!!!!!!!

[Strong Vader]

HOMESTAR:

Yo Yo DJ H*R!
How's it going, Ma..aaaa...an!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
C-Dub da rap music extrodinare!!!!!!!!!

{reads "H*R" as H-star-R and "Ma...aaa...an" like a bleating goat.}

Well, Goatman, it's all going fine. Is that it? Maybe Strong Bad would know more about this.

{cut to the Computer Room.}

STRONG BAD: Let's see what e-mail we got this week...

Yo Yo DJ H*R!
How's it going, Ma..aaaa...an!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
C-Dub da rap music extrodinare!!!!!!!!!

What the crap? Is this one of them virus e-mails? The Cheat, I told you to make a good idiot filter! This one apparently is a virus e-mail to Homestar. Well, I'll get to the bottom of this!

ert+
y76p; '0lu8jykee;u4p;e'/Rh
Strong ba15456`-------++++++gf
+++++-//==========/*8901ikg

{replaces Strong ba with "Homesta" and presses "Send". Moments later,...}

{cut to Homestar's Computer Room.}

{A computer next to the Arturo that Homestar uses to check e-mails starts buzzing, then explodes.}

Dear Homestar,
Why do you keep borrowing Strong Bad's fondue pot?
Your friend,
Guy, from Place.

[Kinda Long Hair]

Cut into the Hremail room. H*R is sitting there like usual

Shadow Homestar: Welcome aboard everybody, now here is your captin Homestar Runner!

cut to where you can see stuff yadda yadda yadda. The Desk reads "This Guy" and the coffee mug reads "I need caffine!"

Homestar Runner: Thanks, shadow self! Todays email comes to us from Guy, from Place.

Dear Homestar,
Why do you keep borrowing Strong Bad's fondue pot?
Your friend,
Guy, from Place.

Homestar: Well James, I borrow Strong Bad's fondue pot because i like fondue. Plain as that! Well, see you next time!

Dear Homestar
Do you sometimes play golf!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Form:
The Gentle Staph here at Thorax Corporation llc,,. (and Movie magic man)

[Strong Vader]

Dear Homestar
Do you sometimes play golf!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Form:
The Gentle Staph here at Thorax Corporation llc,,. (and Movie magic man)

Well, Anthrax Documentary People, I do play golf. I go to Sweet Cuppin Putts Land everyday!

{cut to Homestar playing at the Wormhole. He putts, and the golf ball gets sucked by a black hole, somehow, and gets planted one foot from Homestar's tee. The scene fast forwards, and a ticker at the bottom right of the screen goes through: Day 1 | 3:57 PM to Day 89 | 4:29 AM. The Worm eats Homestar's ball.}

WORM: Oh, get your own! {bites ball} {another end of the worm bites it and forms an Ouroboros.}

HOMESTAR: I'm gonna call that a birdie. Yup, definitely a birdie.

{cut to the hole with the Drive-Thru Whale}

HOMESTAR: Hey there, Blubb-o's man! Do you know the times?

WHALE: This igloo has been weatherproofed for your viewing pleasure.

HOMESTAR: What? That sounds familiar...

WHALE: If I wanted your opinion, I'd eat your brain!

HOMESTAR: I can't put my finger on...

WHALE: Steve, drive up to the seventh window.

HOMESTAR: OK, now you've just lost me at this point.

HOMESTAR: {voiceover} But golf isn't the only reason I go there. There's also great exotic marine life in the blue barrier reef water.

{cut to the Blue Recreation Water.}

HOMESTAR: Well, I didn't find any exotic marine life, but I did find my ball!

STRONG BAD: Once again, Homestar, there's nothing down there except for a pair of gym shorts and candy wrappers.

HOMESTAR: I found a candy rapper. {pulls up Coach Z with concrete water wings}

COACH Z: Oh, thanks, Homestar. You saved me after Bubs threw me in there.

STRONG BAD: Um, that was me.

COACH Z: Whatever. Now check out my new demo. One two, one two, these Snickers, these Snickers, these Snickers try to fade me!

STRONG BAD: Of all the dumb luck in the woild! {runs away} Aaagh!

{cut to Homestar's Computer Room.}

HOMESTAR: So, Dan, I hope that answers your question. Now I gotta go take a bath in a tub fulla pencil shavings.

Dear Homestar,
How's your relationship with Marzipan going? Has she ever dated other guys?
Your buddy,
Seb, from The Lodge, MN

[Kinda Long Hair]

Shadow Homestar: Today, everybody everybody, We're gonna Hremailiarize a toon! And now, the man with the plan. Homestar Runner!

All the normal stuff happens.

H*R: Todays email comes to us from Seb from The Lodge Minnesota.

Dear Homestar,
How's your relationship with Marzipan going? Has she ever dated other guys?
Your buddy,
Seb, from The Lodge, MN

H*R: Oh man seth. There was this one time that she dated the cheat.

{Static}

{Scene in Marzipan's house, where Marzipan is applying mascara while looking in a hall mirror. She is already wearing lipstick. A drum beat is heard. After a few seconds, Homestar enters from the right and the drum beat fades out.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa-ho, Marzipan! You look like a fox's mother!

MARZIPAN: {Still looking in mirror} Homestar, if you're trying to say I'm a "foxy mama", that's actually more offensive.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Right, right. You know what I mean. The more offensive one. So where are we goin' tonight? {leans over} The Chez Perez? {"Chez" is mispronounced to rhyme with "Perez"}

MARZIPAN: {Still looking at the mirror} Uh, no. I have a hot date with The Cheat, thank you very much. I suspect you'll probably stay home and run in place or something.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well I was planning to—you WHAT?! {Jumps up in the air, eyes bugging out}

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement, where The Cheat is applying a fake mustache with Strong Bad looking on}

STRONG BAD: You WHAT?! {Jumps up in the air, then starts quivering with rage}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: I can't believe this, The Cheat!

{Cut to a close-up of Homestar in Marzipan's house}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I can't believe you're The Cheating on me! {Pull back to include Marzipan, still at the mirror} So what are you saying? That you {looking worried} —GULP— {leans over} want his bod?

{Cut back to a close up of Strong Bad in his basement}

STRONG BAD: You can't even call that thing a bod! At best it's a broom or a—

{Cut back to Homestar, looking angry}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —Trivial Pursuit cheese wedge!

MARZIPAN: {Turning away from the mirror and brandishing mascara brush} Look, Homestar, it's just a
date. {jabs the mascara brush towards Homestar twice} This has always been an open relationship.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa-ho-ho-says you. I've turned down more foxes' mothers than I can count just to stay loyal to you!

MARZIPAN: {Dryly} So, four, then?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, that's rich. Ms. Smarty Pants, eh?

{Cut back to Strong Bad's basement}

STRONG BAD: Mr. Smarty Spots, huh? Well—

{Scene starts switching between locations as Strong Bad and Homestar alternate words}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —why—

STRONG BAD: —don't—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —you—

STRONG BAD: —just—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —go a—

STRONG BAD: —head—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —and—

{Cuts to Strong Bad and Homestar inexplicably together in Marzipan's house, yelling:}

STRONG BAD AND HOMESTAR RUNNER: —GET OUTTA MY FACE!

{Both open their eyes}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Looking around} Wait, what?

STRONG BAD: What the crap...?

{Cut back to Strong Bad's basement where Marzipan and The Cheat are standing in front of the couch.}

MARZIPAN: Come on, The Cheat. Let's go.

{The Cheat crooks his arm as if to allow Marzipan to loop her arm through it. Marzipan stands next to him
and leans over as if taking his arm in hers, and the two exit together. Music starts playing.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. Man. Seriously, Strong Strong, we've gotta do something about this.

STRONG BAD: Ordinarily, I just drown my sorrows in video games, but for this, {Close up of Strong Bad, rubbing his chin} maybe I should drown them in... drowning them! {Smiles}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Sitting up} Uh, maybe let's not kill anybody. We should just try and ruin their date.

STRONG BAD: Explain to me how drowning them wouldn't ruin their date.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Mainly, I just want to keep 'em from making out.

STRONG BAD: {Dropping 'old One bottle, starts rubbing his arms} Ewww! The disgust! It won't wash off!

{Scene transitions to Marshmallow's Last Stand, where The Cheat and Marzipan are sitting in a booth,
holding menus. Both the menus and a sign near the door read "Marshmallow's L'est Stand". A candle sits in the center of the table.}

THE CHEAT: {Questioning The Cheat noises}

MARZIPAN: Why, yes, The Cheat, I would be very comfortable with you saying something about my figure.
Thank you for asking first.

THE CHEAT: {makes a sound reminiscent of a wolf-whistle}

MARZIPAN: {Puts down menu} Ew. Not that comfortable.

{Homestar comes running up in his waiter uniform from Summer Short Shorts. A record scratch sound effect is heard.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ah, good evening, ungodly couple. {The Cheat puts down his menu} My name is Waiter, I will be your Homestar for this evening. Can I start you two off with a glass of "Breaking Up", or perhaps "Never Seeing Each Other Again" with capers?

THE CHEAT: {Angry The Cheat noises, waving a fist}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Why, yes, The Cheat, I would be comfortable with you "cleaning my clock"! Thanks for asking first!

THE CHEAT: {Angrier The Cheat noises, more threatening gestures}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahhhh! {Takes off in a cloud of dust, after a few seconds, pops down from the top border} Can I settle up with you guys? My shift's over.

THE CHEAT: {more angry The Cheat noises and threatening gestures.}

{Homestar ducks offscreen. Cut to later, close up of Marzipan with a plate with crumbs and a small piece of marshmallow.}

MARZIPAN: Mmmmm, my almond-encrusted Chilean sea marshmallow was just delicious. {Cut out to include The Cheat sitting in front of an empty hot dog wrapper with ketchup and a couple of french fries around it.} How was your hot dog?

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{Strong Bad runs up, dressed up as an Italian chef, complete with fake mustache. Italian music plays.}

STRONG BAD: {Fake Italian accent} Oh-a, it's-a me! {Close up} The chef-a! A-which-a one o' you guys ordered the smack-in-the-face-a? {Italian music stops}

MARZIPAN: {Annoyed} I thought this was a French restaurant.

STRONG BAD: {Regular voice} Oh. Ummmmmmmmm, uh... S-snails?

MARZIPAN: Come on, T.C., let's blow this marshmallow stand. {Marzipan and The Cheat get up and walk away offscreen}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, y'know, I--I didn't really research this role.

{As the screen blacks out, Strong Bad's fake mustache falls off}

{Fade in to Marzipan and The Cheat crossing The Stone Bridge in the moonlight}

THE CHEAT: {Excited The Cheat noises, gesturing}

{They stop at the top of the bridge}

MARZIPAN: That's so crazy! I've always wanted to see Ira Glass and Ira Flatow wrestle, too.

{From out of the water comes a periscope, apparently made out of cardboard tubes and duct tape. Cut to
the view of Marzipan and The Cheat from the periscope. A repetitive sonar-like "boo" sound is heard in the background}

MARZIPAN: This has been such a great date, The Cheat. I don't know what could possibly ruin it.

{Cut to inside of cardboard submarine. Strong Bad is looking away from the periscope with Homestar standing right behind, wearing a sailor hat and simulating sonar noises. Water is streaming down the walls and dripping from the ceiling.}

STRONG BAD: Verify our range to target! Flood tubes three and four! Hunt for Red October!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aye aye, sir! ...Boo...

{Cut to surface. The "submarine" surfaces. It is a cardboard box with the words "USS FLIRTINI" on the side. Strong Bad and Homestar pop out, revealing fireworks duct-taped to the insides of the box flaps.}

STRONG BAD: FIRE!

{Homestar and Strong Bad light a match and the BMW Lighter, respectively, and light the fireworks. View changes to include the bridge and its occupants. After a couple seconds, the fireworks simultaneously propel the submarine backwards offscreen and fly forwards.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER AND STRONG BAD: WAAAH!
{The fireworks execute a loop in the air, and fly past Marzipan and The Cheat, startling them. Cut to a view of the sky where the fireworks go off in a grand display. Marzipan and The Cheat's silhouettes can be seen in the foreground.}

MARZIPAN: Ooooh, it's so romantic...

THE CHEAT: {Sighs}
{Marzipan and The Cheat lean close to each other}
{Cut to view of the surface of a large body of water. Homestar and Strong Bad are leaning out the top of the "submarine" as the fireworks flash, singing the Strong Badia national anthem as it sinks.}

STRONG BAD: {Singing} Come to the place where the tropical breezes blow... {Last word is garbled as he is submerged}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Singing along} Da da da da dada dadada dada daaaaaaah...

{Cut to Marzipan's front hall, later. The sound of the front door opening and closing is heard, followed by Marzipan walking down the hall until she finds Homestar, running in place angrily. Homestar notices her, and stops mid-step.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Sulkingly} Oh, if it isn't Marzipan. {Steps down} Oh, I'm sorry, or was it "The Marzipan", now?

MARZIPAN: Well, you'll be happy to know it didn't work out between us. I found out The Cheat is declawed, and I just don't think I could be with someone that supports that kind of cruelty.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Delighted} And now you've come crawlin' back to the ol' fox's father!

MARZIPAN: No, I just came to change outfits for my next date with Bubs at the all-night waffle place!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You WHAT?! {Jumps up in the air, eyes bugging out}

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs is straightening a black bow tie, while Coach Z is standing behind him wearing hair curlers and brandishing a rolling pin.}

COACH Z: You WHORT?!

{Cut back to Hremail room}

H*R: So yes Seb. She dated the Cheat. She also dated bubs, if I'm not mistaken!

Dear Homestar
What kind of video games do you sometimes play? Are you ever about to win?
Kaleb Rentpayer

[Strong Vader]

Dear Homestar
What kind of video games do you sometimes play? Are you ever about to win?
Kaleb Rentpayer

Well, guy I shot a few years ago in a dream sequence on television, I play lots of video games. I sometimes play with Strong Bad. He always wins.

{cut to Strong Bad's Basement, where Homestar and Strong Bad are at the TROGDOR! arcade game.}

STRONG BAD: Homestar, I'll play as the archers and kuh-nig-its, and you be Trogdor, ok?

HOMESTAR: OK! {starts playing} Aww, I got sworded and arrowed at the same time. Strong Bad, how do you keep winning all these times?

STRONG BAD: I don't know, Homestar. Maybe you just suck.

{cut to Homestar's Computer Room}

HOMESTAR: And there was this one time Strong Bad and I were playing Clapping Party and some game called Blistergeist or somethin' like that at the same time. I was about to win that one, but Strong Bad beat me at the last minute.

{half a screen has Strong Bad playing Blistergeist; the other half has Homestar playing Clapping Party.}

HOMESTAR: Oh yes! This is it! I'm about to win level fif-

{the Blistergeist ghost shows up and destroys the hands on the screen, controlled by Strong Bad.}

HOMESTAR: Awww...

STRONG BAD: Wait, what? I thought this was a cool game I stole from Homestar.

{cut to Homestar's Computer Room}

HOMESTAR: And there was this one time that I played this cool game, called, "Insert Game Pak, Kid!" It was the best game I ever played!

{cut to Homestar's living room, where he is playing a video game.}

HOMESTAR: I'm about to win! {room darkens} Awww... {lights come on} I'm about to win! {room darkens} Awww.... {reverse shot of the TV that reads "PLEASE INSERT GAME PAK, KID!"} I'm really about to win! {room darkens} Again with the awww....

{cut to Homestar's Computer Room}

HOMESTAR: So that's what kinds of video games I play, Josh. I hope you can find them at you local store. Bye!

Dear Homestar,
Why don't you create the Homestarmy again and invade Strong Badia? It would be real neat if you could conquer it sometime.
Your pal,
Bob Johnson III

[Kinda Long Hair]

Homestar: Hey there everybody everybody, It's me! Homestarrunner!

Dear Homestar,
Why don't you create the Homestarmy again and invade Strong Badia? It would be real neat if you could conquer it sometime.
Your pal,
Bob Johnson III

Homestar: You know, I tried that invision thing once {starts crying} and there, on the battle field...

Fade out and fade back in on Strong Badia during the invasion. The Homestarmy is already there. Its kinda dark, like in flashbacks.

Homestar: I lost my best friend, and most capable commando.

The flashback shows Frank Bennadeto getting kicked.

Homestar: Frank Bennedeto. {starts crying}

Homestar immediatly snaps out of it and says his next lines cheerfuly.

Homestar: And thats why we wont be reforming the Homestarmy. Thanks for your concern, though. See you next time!


The next person can make up there email

[Strong Vader]

Dear Homestaragorn,
What would you do if you had to go on a quest to throw an Onion Ring of power into a volcano? What if someone gave you Twinkies?
Your friend,
Barf.

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